Recently I sat alone under the night sky on an outdoor stairwell at our mentors’ home, my weary body resting upon the concrete steps as I looked up at the towering mountain before me. Thunder drummed above, and, at a loss for words, I prayed, “Lord, lead me safely home.”
Home, of course, does not mean my parents’ home in San Antonio, TX or my home with my husband and children here in rural Honduras.
Help me not to stray on the journey. Lead me safely home, Father. Lead me home. My heart cried desperately yet rejoiced unabashedly, reminded once again that I will never truly have ‘home’ in this world.
All at once I felt lost in the chaos of this world, the uncertainty, the grinding battles – utterly lost but also inexplicably found, at rest in the knowledge that my Lord has overcome this sin-stained world.
Living in a country such as Honduras has helped teach me that nothing is guaranteed, not even life itself. Our 14-year-old son witnessed the murder of one of his neighbors at a young age; thefts are committed in our neighborhood daily. Our dear friend lost her two preteen sons in a car accident; our children were rejected by their own parents. The government’s religion is corruption; ‘trust’ and ‘justice’ are foreign concepts in this land. The Lord has used these experiences to help me embrace a truth that many still refuse to accept: nothing other than God Himself can be legitimately counted upon. As much as I love my husband, he is not mine, and his life – or mine – can be taken at any moment. My children are not mine (this realization is perhaps made easier because they were not birthed from my womb) and therefore my security cannot be placed in my role as “mom.” Even my physical home is not guaranteed, nor my bank account – should I place my faith, my security and hope in anything other than the eternal, unchanging God, my life becomes a lie.
I recently stumbled upon this quote by A.W. Tozer that has since been tumbling around my mind:
“The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever.”
Lord, lead us home. May You, and You only, be our eternal home.