Familial Anecdotes: Part One

“Our Eldest Daughter was Born When I Was 10 Years Old.”

That is what I told our new friend to make his eyes bulge out. Then Darwin and I laughed, looking at each other, and I said, “But she wasn’t born from my womb. It’s a long story.”

Familial Anecdotes: Part Two

“The Hypocrite Hat”

Several months ago I invented the “Hypocrite Hat” based on old TV programs where the naughty kid in school has to wear the cone-shaped dunce hat. Ours is made out of brightly colored construction paper and straps onto the perpetrator’s head with a wild series of pipecleaners, looking sort of like a homemade birthday hat, except on the front it says in big bold letters “Hypocrite.” 10-year-old Gleny has donned the hat more than once for accusing someone of something that she herself is guilty of, and just this week we modified the hat to say “Disobedient” as a consecuence for some bad decisions Jason had made. Our plans changed the day he was scheduled to wear the hat and we ended up running a series of errands in town and in the mall (thus forcing him to wear the extremely embarrassing hat in public), and more than a few people laughed out loud at seeing Jason with his large colorful cone hat with its very noticeable chin and head-straps with the index card taped on the front that says “Disobedient.” Several of the store clercs gave him a talking-to about how he needed to be more obedient, and other moms exchanged smiles with me as the little guy and I walked hand-in-hand while I tried not to laugh out loud.

Familial Anecdotes: Part Three

“I Did Something New Today.”

That is what I said with a big smile when Darwin and the kids came to the kitchen for dinner the other night. Excited, they all asked what it was that I did. I said, “Oh, I rescued a bat from our kitchen sink. The poor little guy was really exhausted after having flied around the kitchen for several minutes, and he collapsed in the sink. I trapped him with a cup and set him free outside.”

Familial Anecdotes: Part Four

“I Think It’s Time to Get a Mirror for the Kids’ Bathroom.” 

One night over dinner Darwin, the kids, and I were all telling stories of how we lost different baby teeth when suddenly 7-year-old Jason starts laughing wildly, saying how Gleny’s two front teeth, which are adult teeth, look really big. He then started saying how it is funny how people’s two front teeth look big when I realized He really has no idea that his two front teeth are just as big as everyone else’s. I think it’s time to get a mirror for the kids’ bathroom. Pointing out others’ flaws while being blinded to our own – that doesn’t sound at all like human nature, now, does it?