Category Archives: Family

Family, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Marriage, Personal Reflection, Special Needs Kids

Kids Say the Darndest Things: Family Quotes and Happenings

November 20, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

12-year-old (quite immature) Jackeline answering my question as to whether she wants almost-11-year-old (extremely mature) Josselyn to attend church with her and the local family whom she goes with on Saturday evenings: “I don’t think so, because I don’t know if she’ll obey me in church.”

22098564005_f547d2a907_z — Three of our kids with Goliath, our Rottweiler

One day as my husband Darwin and I crossed paths in front of the schoolhouse on our property, he came over and gave me a peck on the cheek. Our 6-year-old popcorn kernel Gabriela, who was standing up on a wooden swing a few yards off, saw us, although we thought nothing of it. As Darwin kept walking in one direction and I headed over to say hi to Gabriela, she blurted: “Ain’t dat right dat he’s yo bofen?”

We all know that her pronunciation of many words is catastrophically terrible, but in this instance I literally didn’t have any clue what she was saying. I asked: “What? What’s ‘bofen’?”

She pointed with a finger to where Darwin had walked off to, and say, “He’s yo bofen.”

I finally realized that she was saying her version of ‘boyfriend,’ and I laughed and said, “No, Gabriela, he’s my husband, that’s like a ‘bofen’ for life.”

22108602901_c70afd808b_z — Gleny (age 11) giving Gabriela (age 6) a ride around our front yard

As I held 12-year-old Jackeline’s homeschool exam in my hands, ready to grade it, I saw scribbled across the top of the first page in her handwriting: “God help me [with this exam].” I laughed, well aware that she has not proven herself to be a very good student, and said: “I sure hope He did.” She ended up getting a 95%!

Josue, 7-years-old and with several developmental disabilities, tends to put himself between my husband and I when we get too close, points an irate finger at Darwin and says, “No! Mine!”, pursing his lips and tilting his head to the side in a very goofy but determined stance.

The other night when that happened again over dinner, Darwin said simply, “I think I’ll only be able to kiss you for about four more years.”

Me, perplexed: “What? Why’s that?”

Darwin: “Because Josue’ll be pretty big by then and he’ll really have the strength to do me some damage.”

22086518442_39d12624a8_z — Josue (age 7) and Jason (age 8), our two boys

Over dinner one night, 6-year-old Gabriela who has been living with us roughly 4 months and who is mentally and emotionally 4 years old due to severe abuse, begins shooting off all these questions in her usual loud tone about what grade everyone is in: “Dayana? What gray’s she in?”

Me: “Sixth grade.”
Gabriela: “Ah Dayana’s in sist grade. And Jason?”

And so on, until she had asked all 7 of our kids’ grades more than once, and, to derail the repetetiveness of so many of the conversations she initiates, I asked: “Gabriela, do you know what grade I’m in?”

Without missing a beat, she says with total confidence: “First.”

22072466476_99b7ba2e6e_z — Our 2001 Toyota Tacoma trucked at about half-capacity

One night as we were doing after-dinner kitchen clean-up, Darwin wanted to give 6-year-old Gabriela a hug or a pat on the back or something along those lines, and she scooted away. He said something about how we all love her and are not going to hurt her, and then asked, “Gabi, do you love me?”

She answered with wide eyes and a big, fake smile: “No.”

Gleny, our 11-year-old daughter who’s been with us over 2 years, came around the corner and asked: “Gabi, you love my mom, don’t you?”

Gabi, without changing her deer-in-the-headlight look, said: “Yes.”

Gleny, exasperated by her new little sister, said, “Gabi, if you love my mom, you also love my dad because they’re like one flesh.”

A couple things that we heavily stress in our day-to-day family life are teamwork and initiative, and a few weeks ago we set aside about an hour or two for each person to really do a good, deep clean of their bedroom and belongings. Our eldest has her own room and is extremely clean and organized, so she had no problems. Our two boys (8-year-old Jason who’s quick as a whip and 7-year-old special needs Josue) share a room, and then our four younger girls (12, 11, 10 and 6) share a room. (I bet you can imagine where the majority of the organizational and emotional chaos is concentrated.)

Over dinner that night the boys and girls were reflecting on how their afternoon went with their roommate(s) in an effort to work together and clean their shared space. The four girls exchanged glances and began telling of tears shed and arguments had (alas, we were there with them to witness it all and help them work through it peacefully), each one still a bit altered after such a dramatic experience, and then out of nowhere 8-year-old Jason pipes up and says: “Oh, Josue and I did awesome! He helped me fold the sheets, and he was in charge of opening the windows and organzing the shoes while I swept and mopped the floor.” Josue, who can only say a handful of 1- or 2-syllable words and wears diapers, sat there with a big toothy grin and pointed at Jason across the table in affirmation that all he said was true.

21911024190_7e906249e8_z — Many, many people eat from our kitchen and many, many people work together trying to keep it clean!

One night over dinner several weeks ago after 12-year-old Jackeline’s birthday party, I told our kids to guess how many photos I had taken. Each person made their guess somewhere between 11 and 200, but 6-year-old Gabriela didn’t seem to understand what the guessing was all about, so 11-year-old Gleny tells her, expasperated as tends to be her style, “Gabi, just say a number!”

Gabi, looking around at all of us nervously, with a big fake smile says through gritted little teeth: “A number.”

21910385020_8b0852b1e0_z — Darwin at the helm of the daily homework routine around our kitchen table

After Gabriela had received a stark behavior report from her pre-school teacher (she attends a special class with only 4 students that serves to meet the psychological needs of special needs and/or children who’ve suffered traumatic pasts) informing us that Gabriela had kicked and thrown herself on the teacher, ate the other kids’ snacks, lied, and screamed that she wouldn’t be obeying anybody, Gabriela came bounding through our front door the following day after class announcing triumphantly, “Mom! Jennifer! I didn’t kick the teacher today!”

21911162788_d23feb3bb7_z — Everybody wants to play chess!

11-year-old Gleny tells me she needs to conduct an ‘interview’ with me for some fourth-grade writing assignment at her school. I get excited, put aside what I’m working on, and say, “Okay, shoot.”

Gleny, very professional: “What is your favorite animal?”

Me, utterly disappointed by the (low) quality of the question: “What? Oh…Uh…my favorite animal would have to be…unicorns.” [I laugh nervously, afraid my answer might not be valid.] “Next question?”

Gleny, still very serious: “No; this is the only question. Why is the unicorn your favorite animal?” She’s got her No. 2 pencil in her hand and she’s ready to write down whatever I say.

Me: “Uh…What? You mean you need to know why I love unicorns?” Then, assuming the same serious demeanor as my interviewer, I furrowed my brow and said, “Oh, of course, because they are extremely cuddly.” I was satisfied with my answer and trying not to laugh out loud as she wrote it all down in her wobbly cursive handwriting.

Gleny, looking up at me from her notebook: “Why else?”

Me: “Huh?…Oh, they’re so magical and friendly, too.” Her teacher’s gonna kill me!

Gleny, writing down verbatim my answer: “I need one more reason.”

Me: “They’re…smart?”

Gleny: “Ok, great! Now I’m gonna go interview Dad.”

[Later that afternoon…]

Me to Darwin: “Hey, did Gleny interview you about your favorite animal?”

Darwin: “Yeah, mine’s the tiger.”

Me: “That’s sooo boring…”

22108609081_ecd98bc5b9_z — Jason in his school uniform. We just received notice that both he and Gleny passed their respective grades after a lot of rough starts and trying days in their first year in their private school!

In a drawing/card that 11-year-old Gleny made for me: “I love you a lot, Mom. God is always with you wherever you go, and where you are in any place. Keep strengthening your commitment to be a mom. May God guide you in the correct place. You are a very good mom. From your daughter, Gleny. It was a pleasure to give you this card.”

Family, Farm Life, God At Work Among Us, Information About the Mission, Personal Reflection, Teaching

In Abundance and in Want

November 16, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

A couple nights after having returned from the mission to southern Honduras to install potable water and share God’s Word with a dynamic community of believers, I told Darwin and our seven kids that I wanted to be able to share with them some of what the Lord had taught me during the trip. They agreed, so after a long day we all shuffled into our almost-furnitureless living room after dinner, and I began lighting candles and setting them all over our tile floor. Our kids – several of whom are most likely undiagnosed pyromaniacs – quickly jumped in to ‘help’ with the lighting, and soon enough we had several dozen candles all over our floor as the nine of us took our seats cross-legged in an imperfect circle.

I began, not really sure of what I would say, but eager for the Lord to give me whatever words He wanted us to hear: “Does anyone have any guesses as to why we’ve lit candles instead of simply turning the lights on as usual?”

Jason, our 8-year-old, said, “Light in the darkness! Christ is the light?”

“That’s true, but that’s not the reason…Why the candles? Any other ideas?”

Darwin or our eldest daughter guessed that perhaps the number of candles represented the number of people who came to accept the Lord during our trip, but neither was that the reason.

After several more good guesses, I laughed and said, “It’s simply because in the village where we stayed, they have no electricity. Each night we were in total darkness unless someone turned on a flashlight or lit a candle. A lot of people around the world live like that.”

Each person had their Bible in hand as I began sharing of my experiences in a little mountainous town on the other side of the country where the men work all day on steep mountainsides planting and harvesting corn and beans while the women work over fire stoves to make corn tortillas out of what the men harvest. To enjoy any education after the 6^th grade, I was told the villagers have to walk 2 hours down the mountain and then take a 45-minute bus to the closest high school.

As the Lord guided our discussion, we took about 10 minutes so that each person made a list of all the material blessings we as a family experience on a day-to-day basis, from beds with mattresses (rather than hammocks or sleeping on the floor) to having a simple indoor bathroom stall that is far more pleasing to use than a fly-infested outdoor pit latrine, not to mention our milking cows who enjoy our large, grassy property and don’t have to wander around roadsides looking for enough to eat.

It was amazing how each person really ‘got’ what we were writing about, and 8-year-old Jason was the first one to volunteer his list once we were winding down. His list included about 50 things like: windows (more than just a carved-out hole in the wall as many in the world have), sinks (another thing many people don’t have), his towel, his wooden dresser, the great variety of food we have (even though we eat a base of rice and beans 2-3 times per day!), among many other common items we take for granted or even complain about because we compare them with someone who has more than we do.

From there three of our daughters, Darwin, and I shared our lists, all of which were basically the same even though each person wrote theirs individually: a shower (rather than bucket-bathing in the front yard as those in the village where I was had to do), dog food (rather than feeding emaciated dogs with watered-down rice scraps or pieces of tortilla that fall from the table), our kids’ art and music classes, my computer, a car, an electric stove, basically flat roads that can be easily traversed (rather than slippery, extremely steep, rocky trails as were those of the village where I was), real shoes (not just plastic flip-flops), enough ‘extra’ to even be able to share with and bless others, more than one candle (a home I stayed at in the village had but one candle on hand, and when it melted down we were left in darkness), and so on.

From there, each person meditating on all the incredibly simple, taken-for-granted items on their list, we read Philipians 4:12-13:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Suddenly, without having planned to do so, I folded up my list of abundance and held it over one of the many little flames that were around me. As my page of notebook paper caught fire, I sensed that several of our kids were exchanging glances with one another, eyes wide, like, “Cool! Mom’s burning things! … Does that mean I get to burn my list too? Whoa!”

I love moments like these, because there’s no traffic in my soul, nothing clogging up the Spirit of God or getting in the way of what the Lord might want to say or do through me. I (although it was not me at all) said, “This is our list of abundance; it is neither good nor bad. Paul says in his letter to the Phillipians that he knows what it is to live in abundance and in want, and in both situations he has discovered the secret of being content: Christ. So for right now – and we must recognize this – we are living in abundance. We may be tempted to look at those who have air conditioning or hot water or television or whatever it is that we don’t have and feel that we really don’t have much at all, but that’s simply not true. We have several toilets, paint on the walls, a refrigerator, everyone is in school, etc – but if some day all those things go away and we enter into ‘want,’ nothing really changes. If there is some world war or the economy crashes or our home catches fire and we are forced to move to a little shack with dirt floors and everything becomes really hard – who knows! – and our season of ‘abundance’ ends, nothing has really changed. All of the things on these lists can be taken away – or added to – and the Truth does not change, is not affected.”

So we burned our lists and a certain appropriate heaviness, the kind that comes with an undeniable understanding of Truth, settled over us and did not leave for several minutes.

“If the Word of God can be proclaimed and go forth in a remote, rocky village where there’s no running water, people bathe in a bucket in plain sight in their front yard, barely have enough calories to keep going and are in utter darkness once the sun sets, we do not need lightbulbs and art classes and pillow cases and doors that keep thieves out. If we are given them, fine. And if they’re taken away, fine; it’s all just abundance, and it’s not necessary for fulfilling God’s purposes or for finding ‘happiness.’ If we lose everything and are forced to hit the streets looking for a new beginning, nothing has really changed.”

From there we went to several other scriptures and meditated on the profundity of God’s love and jealousy for us, for our whole selves and our whole lives. I shared of my conviction to begin visiting homes in our own rural neighborhood perhaps a couple days per month to share God’s Word and pray with the people, and I asked who might be interested in accompanying me to do so. Everyone’s hands went up.

After closing with prayer, we blew out the candles, swept up the ash left behind by the bunt-up lists, turned on the lights with a flick of the switch, and each person went about their business to do homework, take a shower, go swing in a hammock or practice violin while that heavy, beautiful burden of understanding remained hovering over me like a weighty but welcome cloud as I prayed to God that I would never forget, or better yet that when and if the time comes that I would be able to humbly accept the Apostle Paul’s Words that ring with Truth: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Community Life, Family, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Information About the Mission, Personal Reflection

Water Projects, Anniversaries, Legal Statuses and New High Schools: November 2015 Updates

November 13, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Water Project in Southern Honduras

During the first week in November I went to the department of Choluteca in southern Honduras with a dynamic group of Honduran, American, and ex-Patriat missionary believers to aid a rural village in the installation of a potable water system and to go house-to-house sharing the good news of Christ and praying with the people. Darwin held the fort down at home for the week, and everyone survived! It was truly a growing experience for all involved, and through the trip the Lord has planted the desire in my heart to begin going home-to-home with our children in our own rural neighborhood to share His Word and pray with our neighbors. (All of the photos on this post were taken during the water project).

Doroteo, a Mexican-American who came to Honduras for the water project, sharing his testimony of faith in Jesus with the villagers

Returning from a good hike up the mountain to see the spring that will provide the lengthy system of tubing with its water.

The men of the village will continue working roughly 40-50 more days in rocky, elevated terrain to lay the tubing of their first potable water system.

Two-Year Anniversary as Family

November 1, 2015 marked our two-year anniversary with Dayana (age 15), Gleny (11) and Jason (8), the first sibling group who moved into our family roughly 4 months after my husband and I were married. It has been a mind-boggling journey deeper and deeper into God’s grace, into the riches of His understanding, and into a truly incarnate walk with Him in today’s world. Darwin and I are planning a 2-3 night trip with them to a neighboring city in December to celebrate all the Lord has done in and through us as family in these last two years, and we are looking to begin the legal adoption process in June 2016 once, by Honduran law, we have been married 3 years and are thus valid candidates for adoption. Please continue to pray for our growth and unity in the Spirit, and that the Lord would continue to prepare and equip us as a family for any good work that He may have for us.

Having fun with the village children — the great thing about leaving my 7 at home was that I could be silly with the kids without having to worry about homework assignments, discipline or bedtime routines!

I don’t remember what the game was, but it sure was fun…

I think I might have been the tallest kid there…

I still don’t understand why the other kids were so shy about participating…

Update on Legal Situation

A few weeks ago I wrote about the current legal situation we are in the midst of, and I’m here to report that we were able to get everything together within a week to pay the large government fine along with our lawyer fees, and our lawyer is currently working on the case and moving it forward as quickly as possible in a system that is generally bogged-down by tragic inefficiency. Darwin and I have planned to take the 7-hour busride to the capital city of Tegucigalpa (where our lawyer lives and where the majority of the legal jinking and jiving occurs in Honduras) the second week of December to be able to talk face-to-face with her and see the progress of the case. Please continue to pray for this situation as it is not yet resolved, and that the hit to our finances will not affect the stability of the mission the Lord has entrusted to us.

The men from the village and those who came to support the water project praying together before beginning a long day’s work in the trenches

Andy, from Minnesota, sharing his testimony with those present

An elderly man from the village who works alongside the younger men each day on the mountainsides planting, harvesting, and laying the tubing for the water system just to have enough to feed his family

Our pastor/mentor/friend Larry Smoak leading the biblical teaching each evening

New Initiative: Living Waters Ranch High School

After having first received children and youth from our rural neighborhood into our government-registered primary-level homeschool program roughly one year ago, the Lord recently expanded our vision to include a secondary-level section in another room of our Education Building. We currently have 7 students in primary-level (1^st-6^th grade), 3 of which are kids who live in our home full-time and 4 of which are neighbors of ours in extreme poverty who had not previously had the opportunity to be in a school.

The eldest of the 7 children the Lord has placed in our home as sons and daughters, Dayana, is graduating 6^th grade, which is the last grade of elementary school and will be entering 7^th grade, which is considered “high school” because there is no middle school in Honduras (in the Honduran system students graduate in November and re-enter in February). After discerning the options for her high school education, Darwin, Dayana and I all felt peace about continuing to educate her in our home/mission for at least the next year or two so that she can continue her musical and artistic studies along with developing the different leadership roles she is taking on.

So, Darwin and I visited the 6^th-grade classrooms in two of the local public elementary schools to spread the word about the new high school we will be starting in our small town, and we’re currently weeding through the 40+ candidates, making phone calls to parents, conducting interviews, and organizing informational meetings in the hopes that God reveals between 8-10 students who will be entering into our 7^th-grade program alongside of our daughter in February 2016. It is an exciting process, and thus far we have 4 spaces already filled with young teens who are already heavily involved in our weekly Bible study, in Darwin’s choir, agriculture classes, and other activities in our home/mission. Having them in our home 5 days a week, 8+ hours a day will enable us to profundisize our relationship with them and our impact on their lives for God’s glory.

The purpose of the high school is to offer a discipleship-focused alternative to the extremely crowded, low-quality public high school in our town for students who are earnestly open to and seeking to walk with Christ and know his Word, all within a family-like environment that values discipline, integral development, and creative growth. Please pray with us that the Lord would guide us in the process of discerning which/how many students should enter the program, and that this new initiative would meet a felt need for the teenagers of our town who are looking to grow in the Truth.

Just this week after a process of interviewing candidates for the position of “7^th-grade teacher” we found the woman who will hold the position alongside of Darwin and I. Praise God!

We’ve purchased new desks/chairs for the incoming students along with a large dry-erase board, and in the coming weeks we will be cleaning out the storage room to prepare the space to be the 7^th-grade classroom. There are many decisions to be made, schedules to be created, curriculum to be organized, meetings to be had, student contracts to be written, norms to be established, and lives to be impacted for Jesus, so we ask once again that you would pray with and for us during this time.

A quiet morning before breakfast to reflect and pray

One of the homes from the village in Choluteca, Honduras where we spent the first week of November

Andy, Larry, Joel and I walking through the village with the rest of the group and villagers

Sheri, Adria and I playing “cheerleaders” for the men who were coming in after a long day of digging. We had spent the morning going house-to-house sharing God’s word and praying with the people.

And still more cheerleading…although we never got around to doing the pyramid as we would have liked…

Community Life, Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection

The Purpose of Things (Part 1)

October 30, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

A few Wednesdays ago we found ourselves once again sitting in an oblong rectangle of chairs, benches and stools in our concrete-floored dining room as about 30 of us – Darwin, our 7 kids, several middle-aged neighbors, Miss Martha and our schoolteacher, and about a dozen or so children and youth from our neighborhood – had come together to understand the Truth and study God’s Word.

The Wednesday prior Josselyn, our new 10-year-old daughter who hides her face when she gets nervous and is learning the alphabet for the first time in her life, decided to receive the invitation to peace with God through Jesus Christ after having heard in the Bible Study what exactly the ‘Good News’ is that is so frequently talked about throughout the Bible.

This week, however, we would be talking about the purpose of things. As always, everyone present is invited to participate (although some choose not to), and so I began naming different common items so that we could begin naming their purposes.

One of the first items I threw out there in this game of name-the-purpose was a machete, an extremely common item in Honduras, and even moreso out in the countryside where we live. Almost every male above the age of about 10 or 12 has one and uses it almost daily to ‘chop’ the yard, cut firewood, etc, so when I asked the group, “What is the purpose of a machete?”, they looked at me as if it was finally made plain to them that I’m a foreigner. You mean she doesn’t know the purpose of a machete? Is she serious?

After a short pause, one of the youth dared to state the obvious: “It’s for chopping the yard.” Everyone else looked at me as if to say, “…Duh…”

“Yes!” I affirmed. “And what else?”

“For cutting things…like firewood.” Someone else chimed in, answering perhaps the easiest question we had ever ventured to answer in this timeslot on Wednesdays when we dare to find answers to some of life’s hardest (and most pertinent) questions. No longer was I asking: “What is justice?” or “How does the World treat the orphans, the widows and the poor?” or “What are some of the lies the World tells us?” or “What is the Kingdom of God?” Rather, I’m asking the use of a large, simple knife that everyone is already familiar with.

“For killing.” Someone else said.

I clarified – “For killing – animals! Can we say ‘hunting’?”

After we exhausted the rather short list of purposes for a machete – and once everyone began realizing that this game of name-the-purpose was not so hard after all – we proceeded with a list of about two dozen things, naming the common, known purpose of each.

“What is the purpose of a bus?” (Another extremely common thing here, seeing as most people do not have their own cars and thus have to travel on big, retired American yellow school buses that have been converted into Honduran public buses to go on errands, visit other cities, etc).

“To carry people!” Someone shouted.

“Yes! And what else?”

“To…carry things!”

“Yes! Basically the purpose of a bus is to transport or move people and things from one place to another, right?” Everyone looked at me in utter agreement, excited even. “Ok, so if the bus doesn’t have any wheels or gas, it can still fulfill its purpose, right?”

For a split second I caught them off guard as they looked at me, then everyone started to laugh and say, “No! It wouldn’t fulfill its purpose without wheels or gas!”

So there we went, naming the purpose of food, a watchdog, shoes, the sun, a school, a backpack, and a host of other things. As we were nearing the end of the little list scribbled on the index card in my lap, I smiled and posed the actual question of the day, only to be met with blank, confused stares:

“What’s the purpose of a human being?”

One 13-year-old young man who participates in Darwin’s choir and has proved himself to be very respectful, humble and hard-working, was the only one who seemed able to compose an answer after a few seconds of shock. His opinion: “The purpose of a human being is to serve God…or…serve the Devil. You choose.”

Almost everyone seemed surprised by the mere fact that he was able to put an answer together to such an impossible question, and some laughed nervously.

I think I literally saw lightbulbs go off in several people’s heads as I begin explaining, “How interesting that quickly and accurately we can name off the purpose of a machete or a pair of shoes, but when asked to name our own purpose, we literally don’t know how to answer! If a machete is used to chop the grass but not to brush my teeth or comb my hair – and we all know that – then we can use it according to its purpose and thus fulfill its purpose, making it a useful machete. If we know that a watchdog does not fulfill its purpose of protecting the property if it has lost all its teeth, is deathly ill and can no longer stand or bark, we can accurately discern between a watchdog that is fulfilling its purpose and one that is not. But a human being? How on earth can we go about fulfilling our purpose if we don’t even know what it is? How could we use a pair of shoes properly if we did not know they were meant to protect our feet, that that is their purpose?”

To be continued in a subsequent post…

Family, Farm Life, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Personal Reflection

Learning About Consequences in the Real World: Jackeline’s Day in the Chicken Run

October 21, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

I believe 12-year-old Jackeline learned a lesson last week, or at least I hope so. Our dear fifth grader has been struggling mightily to find a good work ethic in school, and quite frankly Darwin and I had not found a technique that has made any difference other than that of growing the dark circles under our eyes. We had tried the well-intentioned lectures and advice, sincere moments of prayer, hugs of encouragement and warmth, washing her mouth out with soap, taking away movies/art class/choir practice/other privileges in response to bad behavior, adding boring chores such as washing the walls of different buildings on our property, and even having special celebrations and awards for those who are making the effort in school, but all to no avail. No attitude change, no repentance, no newfound work ethic or desire in school.

So, as I’m knee-deep in reading a fantastic parenting book (Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk), I found new inspiration with our pre-teen who is headed for a rough course in life if she doesn’t get her act together. I devised a plan and invited my husband Darwin to execute it with me. We passed by our school building around 10:30am, knocking on the door of the room that holds 7 students (3 of our own kids and 4 from our local community) and 1 teacher, hoping to catch Jackeline in her own trap. I informed the teacher with a big smile that we were merely stopping by to see how Jackeline was doing, and when the teacher hesitated in her response, I knew we had her! With dread in her voice, the teacher informed us that, again, Jackeline had refused to do her classwork, had hit her desk in defiance, and wouldn’t stop complaining the whole morning.

As if the teacher had told me, “Stop by my office at noon and I’ll give you a bag of chocolates,” I said cheerfully, “Ok great! Let’s go, Jackeline.”

Jackeline looked at me suspiciously as her thoughts read ‘Let’s go?’ Where to? It’s freaking me out how you’re smiling at me like that. Why don’t you look disappointed in me? Aren’t you supposed to be mad that I don’t make even the smallest effort is school ever? I mean, it’s disgraceful that I don’t even care about my own future! Another lecture would do me good, or at least take away all my privileges. That always seems to work.

I motioned excitedly with my arm that she follow us, so she got up from her desk, leaving behind her school materials that had already been out of use virtually the whole morning, and she began trailing sluggishly behind Darwin and I as we crossed our large front yard, went through the gate, and headed up the path to the large open-air structure that used to serve as our chicken run but now is used as a stable for Darwin’s cows.

As we arrived – me with a visible spring in my step, grateful and excited for this wonderful opportunity to try something new in the pioneer journey of teaching a vital lesson to this young woman we love – I kindly explained (again, with the tone of voice that a mother would use with her daughter to say, “Auntie Carol just dropped off a $50 check for your birthday and said that she’s going to invite you to vacation at the beach with her and your cousins next weekend!”) that since she obviously doesn’t want to be in school, then we’ll respect her freedom of choice and allow her to work.

Oh, if looks could kill! (And I’m not talking about ours!)

As we stood in the middle of the structure’s small enclosed yard with various fenceposts leaning over or having fallen down altogether, we explained how she would be working with a machete to remove the chicken wire of the entire perimeter (a job that’s needed to get done for months, but we haven’t had time to do it), putting all the wire together in a big pile and then organizing the various pieces of wood, old tires, etc that were lying about. More than a couple times as we walked around the enclosed area, I had to warn, “Watch your step, Jackeline! There’s a heap of cow poo right there.”

Her face and body language radiated mad, which only further confirmed that we had finally found a consequence that just might get under her skin. (And, hey, no fake tears for once!) We handed the machete to her after Darwin gave her a quick demo of how to whack away at the posts, removing the chicken wire, and we allowed her to change into work clothes and fill a water bottle before returning to spend the time necessary until the job was finished.

We cheerfully reminded her that we loved her and wished her well on her new work project, leaving promptly.

As Darwin and I returned to the office to finish the preparations for that day’s Bible study, I peeked out the window several times to see how our young worker was progressing. The poor girl was very confused – she was sitting down!

A couple hours later as we were serving lunch to about 30 or so people who had come to Bible study, I served up a bowl of lukewarm beans for our fence-repairer and walked with that same bounce in my step out to the chicken run for the second time that morning. As she saw me approaching, she quickly stood up and pretended to be working on a fence post, looking at me as if I was about to chew her butt for her laziness. My response: a peppy, loving, “Hey! There you are! Enjoy your lunch! Let me know if you need to fill up your water bottle again.”

I handed off the plastic bowl of beans, turned around, and left.

I think at that point she realized that going on strike wasn’t going to get her anywhere (or reel me in and trap me in some power struggle or futile discussion of morals and work ethics).

An hour or so later, a young neighbor of ours who had been at our home for lunch and the Bible study, looked at me and said in a concerned tone of voice, “Uh, Jennifer? Jackeline’s sure been out in the chicken run for quite a while…”

I smiled and said, “Yup! Sure has! You want to play soccer?”

Well, at some point that afternoon our young worker got up off her rear and started taking down fenceposts, and she did a pretty darn good job. About four-and-a-half hours after we first dropped her off there, she finished the job like a champ and came clogging in through the front gate with a bit less energy and a bit more accomplishment than she had had that morning.

Nothing is a cure-all, but since that day we have had a bit more success with the general attitude of our beloved fifth-grader, and the teacher even had a positive report about her general work ethic in school the next day.

Thank you, author Danny Silk, for your wonderful (and fun!) parenting advice! Glory to God!

Community Life, Family, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Information About the Mission, Personal Reflection

Reconnaissance Mission with the King of Kings: Break and Enter…and Bless

October 19, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

A new stream of God’s abundant provision has recently been discovered through a large supermarket chain in the nearby city of La Ceiba – after several months of writing letters and waiting for responses, we now have an agreement with one of the locations to receive any surplus/damaged goods that for various reasons they are unable to sell. In the first few months of enjoying this agreement, we got a call every 3-6 weeks to come pick up a box or two of flour and toilet paper, but for some reason in this past week they have called us twice, and so two times in three days we brought home quite literally a truckbed full of goods for free.

Every time we receive a box, I exclaim to my husband Darwin, “It’s like Christmas!” because you never know what the boxes will hold. Just last week our truckbed held two-and-a-half boxes full of chocolate cookies, a couple boxes of flour and spaghetti noodles, quite a bit of canned food, a couple bars of soap, several containers of butter, some frozen French fries, and even a brand-new frying pan!

So last Thursday as I arrived home in our truck at 3:00pm after having picked up Gleny and Jason from their elementary school, I contemplated the still-closed boxes in the truckbed with weary excitement, wanting to rip into them to see what blessing they held but struggling through an already-too-long day that started around 5:00am after another night of not having slept a wink. I felt like all my nerves stood on end and that my head weighed more than the rest of my body.

Thankfully, several people who were just about the leave and head home came to help haul the boxes up the concrete steps into our dining room, and I followed behind, scheming through foggy thoughts exactly how I could manage with the least energy exertion possible the five hooligans who would be under my care until Darwin and our two eldest girls would get home that night around 7:30pm.

On days like I had last Thursday I often wish that my children had an “off” button or that they could be easily folded up and stored away in a dresser drawer for a few hours until I need them again. Unfortunately for weary parents, this is, of course, not the case, and thus I suddenly had five eager helpers who were just as excited to see what was in the mysterious boxes as I was (and had 684.92 questions, comments, and stories for me in the process), although in the back of my mind I contemplated starting the somewhat-intimidating task of sorting, lifting, storing, etc, the next day once I had hopefully slept a few hours.

But the Lord had other plans, and I’m so glad He did.

For some reason that is still unknown to me, I did, in fact, begin the gargantuan task of inspecting the blessed cargo and, not only that, but graciously solicited the help of Jason (8), Josselyn (10) and Gleny (11), while Josue (7) and Gabriela (6) played with brooms in the front yard. We spent the next couple hours making guesses about what would be in each box, carrying certain items to the pantry, storing others in bins, etc. There was so much food that it was quickly made clear to us that it was meant to be shared, thus we began classifying the food items according to what could be most useful to which neighbor of ours. My three assistants flitted around the kitchen literally aglow with joy – how sweet it is to discover (and then share!) God’s blessing alongside of your children! We made boxes for several neighbors, my assistants constantly eager to help think out which goods should go to which families and place (and then re-place and re-organize) the goods in the boxes so that they fit just right. We talked giddily about how God never leaves the giver without something to give, and that if we have in abundance (or in scarcity!), what we have is meant to be shared. It was never ours to begin with; we are but the little administrators of God’s provision, allowing goods to flow through our hands and lives like crystalline spring water!

It was one of those blessed afternoons where everything seems to ‘click;’ all our gears are moving in synchrony and we all ‘get it.’ God’s presence among us was palpable and His joy undeniable. Gleny made a comment about how she has noticed that our town of El Pino is growing in the Lord’s favor, and Josselyn talked through a big smile of how thankful she is that God has enabled us to continue blessing others.

Well, we couldn’t stop there! I went to write “God’s blessing for Mr. Mejia” in big bold permanent marker on the outside of one of the boxes, but Gleny interrupted the simple process and informed me that she wanted to do it. Although that involved helping her spell it out correctly (and then turning the box around and starting over when she messed up), it was worth it.

The next step was handing the boxes over – delivering the blessing that was never ours to keep! We laughed and worked in teams of two to hold the boxes as we shuffled across our large front yard, out the gate, and over to the small house on our property that is now home to four of our students (all siblings) and their parents, the father of which fills the role of night watchman.

Once we finished handing the two boxes over to our watchman’s family (the father looked somewhat betwixt as to why anyone would be so giddy about giving food away), we returned home feeling light and joyful, although we were a bit sad the process of giving seemed to be temporarily over. The other boxes would stay in our kitchen because they were for people who would be coming to our home the next morning, except…Mr. Mejia! It seemed utterly ridiculous due to my off-the-charts exhaustion after the lunacy of sleeping 2-3 hours one night and none the next, and so on, but it seemed to be the only thing that made sense. Our neighbor Mr. Mejia, a man in his 70s who is a pillar of faith in our community and frequents our Wednesday-afternoon Bible study, lives alone in what looks to be an abandoned half-constructed building about a 10-15 minute walk away, so I raised my eyebrows and asked my eager collaborators what they thought of an early evening walk through hungry mosquitos and possibly falling rain to drop off Mr. Mejia’s box of blessing.

They all squealed with excitement and asked if we could invite our neighbors (the watchman’s four children who are students in our school and are at our house so often that they have come to form part of our extended family) for the big event. I said yes, and so off we went – 9 kids and I quite literally skipping off down the overgrown, isolated trail in The Middle of Nowhere, Central America from our property to Mr. Mejia’s. The kids reached his house by doing various foot races while two or three people took turns hauling the box on the top of their heads. When we finally got to his house, his two thin dogs started barking like crazy at the end of their chains as we called out from just beyond his front gate to see if he was home.

It had not really occurred to me that he might not be home to receive the box, but that was, in fact, the exact situation we were facing. We shrugged disappointedly and looked at one another as I posed the honest question: “What do we do? Does anyone have any ideas?” At first our four young neighbors looked slightly shocked that an adult was actually asking for their opinion, but quickly enough various people threw out different options, each of which got vetoed by the group. Leave the box outside of his gate? No, because the food would get wet in the rain or someone would walk by and steal it. Come back tomorrow? No, because we are impatient and want to deliver it today.

Then Marina, our 15-year-old neighbor who is in 3^rd grade in our school, shrugged innocently, pointed to the little twig-and-twine waist-high front gate that was already falling over and struck us all with her (evil? benevolent?) genius, “…We could just walk in and leave the box in his kitchen [which is an outdoor table under a roof made of palm leaves].”

I looked at the young faces all around me, pondering the absurdity of breaking and entering…and blessing. I said, “Well, um, uh…go quickly! Just Marina. Drop it off and come right back.”

So she opened the simple latch on the gate, carried the box through, took a couple dozen steps, dropped off the box, exited and closed the gate, and we were gone from the scene in less than a minute.

From there the foot races joyously continued as barefoot children — who, whether they understand it or not, just participated in the holy act of administering God’s provision to the poorest of the poor — darted off along the lonely rocky trail toward our property in what, to many, seems like a cursed corner of the earth where nothing good can happen.

My heart – and by all visible accounts, those of the children – overflowed, bubbled even, with a heavenly lightness, a joy that cannot be purchased or chased down. I laughed at the wisdom of God: in a neighborhood literally moaning from so many robberies, murders, broken families, and general confusion and chaos, the King of Kings utilized the unlikely, absurd, ridiculous: a young woman who 10 years ago didn’t have the slightest idea of who Jesus Christ was along with a band of young hooligans, many of which are illiterate and all of which are barefoot, traipsing through the jungle bathed in a heavenly glow to fulfill God’s will in perhaps the most unlikely of contexts. That is our God: light in the darkness, giving in a land of taking, a Kingdom destined for those who become like little children.

May Your Kingdom come, may Your will be done on earth as it in in heaven…

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection

I Have a Dream

October 15, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

I have a dream…of living in a remote cabin all alone in some wintery wonderland, far away from the heaps of trash and mosquitos, far away from the extreme poverty of our neighbors, from situations that require more wisdom than I myself possess, far away from the sin and confusion of the world (except for my own, that is.)

That is precisely what I told our 15-year-old daughter a few days ago after a long and rather emotional discussion between myself, her, and our 12-year-old daughter. Tense, potentially stressful conversations like the one we had facilitated are a common occurrence in our household — nine people from two different countries and five different families of origin, one of which has special needs, another of which has severe insomnia and several of which have suffered extreme abuse and/or abandonment all between the ages of 6-32 living in a small house in a humid, rainy climate without air-conditioning or hot water that also shares its roof with mosquitos, scorpions, geckos, ticks, bats, rats and other visitors. All of which, including the spouses, 3-and-a-half years ago had never met, much less dreamed they would be living together someday as family.

After about an hour of mediating the aforementioned potentially explosive conversation between our two eldest daughters regarding respect, personal space, identity, etc, I sensed that our eldest and I needed to keep the conversation going a bit, so I dismissed 12-year-old Jackeline. I kept listening as Dayana, our eldest, opened up more and more about her general frustrations of being raised in a large, mixed family — younger siblings who enter her room without permission, confusion in the laundry pile of whose underwear is whose, younger sisters who want to wear her clothes, etc. Most of this is as foreign to me as the Spanish language was 6 years ago because I grew up an only child with both of my biological parents in the Texas suburbs, but, daily, God is stretching us all and teaching us His grace and compassion in the context of a complicated family that promises to test and try us.

After I had asked several times, “Is there anything else?”, and she wound down, having shared all she had to share, I sensed it was my turn. (My turn always comes last!)

What I did not say was: “Now, now, calm down. You know you love your siblings. Just be patient with them.” or “Why on earth are you so selfish? Can’t you see that we’re all doing the best we can?”

What I did say, by some pinch of divine wisdom, was: “It is hard. I know it is. You know what?” (At this point she’s staring at the table between us rather than looking me in the eyes.) “I would love to live alone just like you.” (Now she suddenly looks up at me, probably thinking, Then why on earth did you invite all these kids to live with you?!) My voice quickens with excitement as I beginning sharing with her my ‘dream’ of living in some simple, comfortable cabin up in the mountains in a place like Montana or Southern Canada, earning a living with some kind of job that I could do on the computer right there in my little cabin, drinking hot tea and not having a single child or teenager around to bother me, lie to me, steal from me, or make things more complicated than they need to be. I would not even have to think about child prostitution or generational bondage to sin or foolish, uneducated youth. I would not have to see lives unnecessarily destroyed by sin while my heart gets broken in the mix. Everything would be calm, and everything would be under control. My control.

While I am sharing all of this, Dayana is visibly caught off guard by my sincerity and my genuine excitement as I continue telling her all about my far-off dream. (And it is, in fact, some far-off little dream that I have, and the temptation of entertaining it comes on my longest days, when our second-grader’s teacher sends a note home saying he is using four-letter words on his classmates or our preteens start biting each other during prayer or members of our own household are heard slandering my husband and I.)

As if her eyes were windows to her mind, I read her thoughts: “Great! That sounds like what I want, too — no noisy children, more personal space. Let’s go cabin-shopping! We’ll find one for you up on a little mountaintop, and on a neighboring mountaintop that’s a good day’s-hike away, we’ll build one for me. What are we waiting for?!”

As if reminding myself once more why that dream is not a reality, I said: “But you know what? If I were to live like that, I would be useless to God’s purposes. If I isolate myself and live comfortably, fine. But where are you? Who’s raising you? Who is guiding Josselyn? Josue? If I close myself off and live according to how I want to live, I become useless in God’s hands. Your Dad and I share our home with all 7 of you not because it is the most comfortable thing to do or because we just enjoy having disobedient children around, but because the Lord is using us in your lives for His glory.” She gets it. She’s listening. “Living in our home is not about living for our own pleasure and comfort. If I live all alone in my perfect little cabin, I could very easily believe Everything’s fine in the world. I’m a really patient, composed person. I don’t even need a Savior. But it’s when Gleny has pushed my buttons one too many times and I’m at the end of myself and I have to cry out to God ‘Grant me patience because I don’t have any more!’ that God’s power manifests itself. When I’ve given all that I have to give and then am asked to give more, that’s when we see God’s provision. It is easy to think you are a grace-filled person when you aren’t required to show grace to annoying, perhaps disrespecting younger siblings. But when you reach the end of yourself, that’s when you turn to God and see His aid, His power. If I were to live all by myself, I would miss all of this, and God would have to find someone else to do His work.”

In the end, it’s not about my dreams; it’s about His.

Family, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Information About the Mission, Marriage, Personal Reflection, Special Needs Kids

Life and Ministry Updates: October 2015

October 12, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 2 Comments

Dayana’s Quinceanera (15^th Birthday)

The eldest of the 7 children the Lord has placed in our home, Dayana, turned 15 this month, which is a big milestone for young women in Latin American culture. We worked hard during several weeks leading up to the event on invitations, preparations, etc, and the actual event was a joyous occasion with about 60 people in attendance – several who travelled over an hour to attend – who have formed part of her extended family in these past several years. We are so proud of her — please continue to pray with us for her continued wisdom, protection and joy as she draws nearer to adulthood each day. May she be a beacon of light in the midst of this dark world, and may she be useful in the Lord’s hands for His work.

21911330208_50fc363b86_z — Darwin and Dayana making the big appearance on the day of her quinceañera (fifteenth birthday)

22109231081_982440c8af_z — The table my mom and I prepared for the party, displaying photos of Dayana in the last two years that she has been with us along with three of her paintings

22073810886_cf99e81351_z — Lighting the birthday cake that Jenae made for her

Jackeline Turns 12, We Face Big Decisions With Her

Jackeline, who moved into our home in January of this year with her younger special needs brother Josue, also had a birthday this month and is now 12 years old. We are currently in a period of discernment regarding the crucial decision of whether she will stay with us long-term as our daughter, growing up in our household until she is an adult and maintaining the parent-child bond with us afterward or if she can/should return to live with her biological family, most likely her grandmother. The other children under our care do not have this decision to make because their biological family members are not in the picture, but Jackeline has both her biological mother (who is extremely manipulative and possibly mentally ill and does not currently have a stable job) and grandmother (who is a wonderful Christian woman but does not have much in terms of economic means) who visit her once a month. When Jackeline and Josue initially moved in with us roughly 8 months ago, the mother said she would only need us to care for them for 3-4 months until she got back on her feet, but recently she told us she is only truly interested in taking Josue back, although even that is uncertain because her emotional and economic state are not stable enough to do so. Jackeline’s attitude during these past several months has mirrored that of a roller coaster, and on many occasions she has refused to do her school work, has disrespected both her teacher and our nurse/cook Miss Martha, and has had an I-don’t-care approach to many things between moments of light, joy and revelation. After entering into a very serious period of discernment with her several weeks ago and praying alongside of her every night about her future, about a week ago she announced that after many weeks of private prayer the Lord granted her peace about staying with us rather than return with her family. Darwin and I continue praying and are waiting on a word from the Lord before making any decisions. Please continue to pray with us regarding these decisions about her future and that the Lord’s will for her life be made known to us, her, and her biological family so that it may be fulfilled in the right timing. Please pray against stress, confusion, and attacks from the Enemy in this time.

21478782903_93fa4d9942_z — Jackeline all dolled up for Dayana’s birthday party

21911659699_c6201ac460_z — Our kids love to play chess!

Josselyn (10) Accepts the Lord

Josselyn, who moved into our home with her younger sister Gabriela less than three months ago, recently made the decision to accept Christ during a Bible study in our dining room in the presence of about 30 neighbors, friends, and family. Several of us prayed with her, and immediately afterward she came to me with several confessions, bringing to light what she had previously hid under lies, and desiring to ask forgiveness from her biological mom, who, according to Josselyn, she had mistreated and robbed when she used to live with her. In this short time after her conversion we have rejoiced with her as we see visible changes in her behavior and habits. The morning after receiving the Lord, she took the initiative to go behind our home to kneel in God’s presence, pray, and sing His praises. Please pray for her continued walk with the Lord, her daily protection from the Enemy, and her overall development and joy. She is currently in our homeschool program on the kindergarten level and is eagerly learning the alphabet and the sounds of the letters for the first time in her life. She has interestingly learned to play chess before learning to read!

22086648762_4298d79d8d_z — Josselyn (in pink) posing for photos with Jackeline (12) and Dayana (15) during my mom’s recent visit

21475752614_3b853371d3_z — Josselyn enjoying her stuffed animals and dolls!

Updates on My Health

Since the inception of this blog I have asked for prayer regarding my health, as I have struggled with severe insomnia for several years now and typically sleep only 2-5 nights per week in addition to having had Dengue Fever, Typhoid Fever, and several other blood infections, fevers, etc since moving to Honduras. I praise God for my currently good health (I do not currently have any fevers or viruses), although I still only sleep a few nights per week at best. Please continue to pray that the Lord would grant me a deep rest every night, and that in a very practical way I can lay all my burdens on Him.

22098566175_9d9b866d53_z — Working on homework with our kids in our dining room. Many times I feel like I myself am back in school with all the time we spend doing homework each week!

21475715274_2e779e1335_z — Darwin and I are nearing 2-and-a-half years of marriage!

Gabriela (6) Begins Attending the Same School as Josue (7)

Gabriela, who entered our home in July of this year with her older sister Josselyn after having suffered severe abuse, has entered the same small, focused school that Josue attends, and now both are in classes together every morning five days a week. Together with two other classmates and two teachers/psychologists to guide them, they are learning basic manners, the colors, and other basic pre-school behaviors to prepare them eventually for a normal school. Josue still does not talk more than the few basic syllables he has always used and still has to use diapers, but we do have hope that Gabriela will be able to fully recover from the trauma of her past and become a fully-participating member of society one day. Please pray with us for her salvation and transformation, as the other day we received a note from her teacher saying she had kicked the teacher, lied, eaten the other kids’ food, and announced that she would not obey anybody. That was not a good day!

21476184864_f47882c9c0_z — Our dear sister Miss Martha (who fills the roles of nurse/cook at the Living Waters Ranch) with Gabriela (6) and Josue (7) in our front yard

22108680951_87edd6c3e0_z — Darwin and I with our two smallest wild Indians, Josue and Gabriela

21912021639_799deda433_z — Gabriela and Josue, best friends and playmates

22072745446_b25df0e0d9_z — Lookin’ good, Gabriela! Playing dress-up and putting on a show for my mom during her visit

Community Life, Family, Personal Reflection

Not Just Any Piñata…

October 6, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

This past week we celebrated the 12^th birthday of Jackeline, the young woman who has been living with us as a daughter since January of this year. A couple dozen friends and neighbors were in attendance for the party along with Jackeline’s biological grandmother who came out to support her.

There was, however, a twist to the traditional hit-the-piñata birthday game: rather than holding candy, the piñata held hygiene products. So adults and children alike dove for deodorants, bath loofas, bars of soap, hair gel, and little packets of shampoo. Rather than give these kids candy, which rots their teeth, we’ll go ahead and give ‘em a toothbrush and some paste to go along with it!

It was a big hit, and, seeing as I’ve already pulled this fill-the-piñata-with-something-other-than-candy trick three times now, the neighborhood kids eyed the piñata at the beginning of the festivities and asked, “Jennifer, what’s in the piñata?” Although sanitary pads, hairbands and notebooks might have fallen out of my 25^th birthday piñata in August, you never know just what you’ll find if you come to our house for a birthday celebration…

jack37 — Jackeline covered in flour as her biological grandmother looks on joyfully. This has nothing to do with the piñata, but rather is the product of the party guests’ after-lunch prank on the birthday girl…

jack36 — Dayana, our 15-year-old daughter, who was the mastermind behind the flour prank on Jackeline…

jack18 — Our 11-year-old neighbor Yexon during the birthday madness

jack10 — Jackeline surrounded by several youth from our rural neighborhood who frequent our home for Bible study, choir, school, and other activities

jack11 — Jackeline with her biological grandmother

jack1 — My mom travelled from Texas to stay in our home this week, and she helped get the birthday girl ready for the party

jack67 — Piñata time in the foothills of the mountains

jack40 — Josue, Jackeline’s special-needs brother, was the first to take a whack at the piñata

jack48 — Alberto and Isis, siblings, who both labor alongside of us at the Living Waters Ranch, Alberto as the kids’ driver and tutor and Isis as our homeschool teacher

jack43 — My husband Darwin preparing the blindfold on a young neighbor of ours

jack78 — Miss Martha, our nurse and cook, watching the festivities with her granddaughter Isabela in her arms

jack77 — Our 10-year-old daughter Josselyn’s turn!

jack86 — Carminda, the neighbor of ours who now lives on our property with her husband and children, looking on.

jack81 — Our 6-year-old popcorn kernel Gabriela and I watch on

jack75 — Jackeline’s grandma takes her turn! Go, Grandma, go!

jack87 — Alberto grabbed the remains of the piñata and began running — everyone wanted the soaps and toothbrushes that hadn’t yet fallen out!

jack89 — Even the adults were chasing him!

jack90 — “Cool! I got two jars of hair gel!”

jack94 — Carminda, our neighbor, inspecting the hygiene products her kids grabbed from the piñata. Score!

jack92 — Liliana, a young friend of ours, got deodorant, several packets of shampoo, and some hair gel! So much better than candy!

Community Life, Family, Marriage

Road Race in Las Mangas [Photos]

September 28, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

This past Saturday we went as a family to our mentors’ and dear friends’ home up in the mountains for their annual 2-mile road race that they host in their local community. In Honduras, the schools generally do not have track teams nor are there a lot of sporting events (or sports) or really any opportunities to train physically beyond a pick-up game of soccer on a dirt field, so an organized 2-mile road race really is a big event.

Our mentor/pastor/friend Larry came in first place with a time of 11:23, and Darwin came in fourth place with a time of 12:55. Our 11-year-old daughter Gleny surprised us by deciding to participate, and she came in third place among the women who ran!

maraton55 — Sharing God’s Word with the racers before the competition

maraton12 — When I told Darwin to “strike a pose” before the event, he certainly did!

maraton11 — Our dear friend/mentor/pastor Allison taking the official film of the event with her and Larry’s daughter Eliya strapped on her back

maraton15 — Our 7-year-old special needs son Josue running his own race as he accompanied me to one end of the “track” to wait for the runners to arrive

maraton16 — Our mentor/pastor/friend Larry coming in first place among men who are 20-30 years younger than him!

maraton20 — Darwin coming in fourth place before guys who are 10-15 years younger than him! Go, Darwin, go!

maraton23 — Bayron (age 21) and Erick (26), members of our faith community, finishing in 7th and 8th place

maraton27 — Gleny ran the whole 2-mile race without stopping and finished after 21 minutes!

maraton31 — The kids’ 7-and-under 100m race

maraton32 — 15-year-old Danny and 32-year-old Darwin, who stuck neck-and-neck throughout the race until Darwin pulled ahead at the end and beat him by 8 seconds!

maraton30 — Darwin and Gleny, the two racers from our family!

maraton34 — Gleny with the other female competitors

maraton43 — Darwin and Larry after the race

maraton50 — Larry with the young man who came in second place

maraton57 — Gleny receiving her third-place medal

maraton51 — Larry and Allison with two of their three daughters

Family, God At Work Among Us, Information About the Mission, Marriage, Personal Reflection

Sanitary Pads, Flirting and Ballet Flats: The Fear-Inspiring Task of Parenting a Teenager

September 12, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

The eldest of the seven children the Lord has put in our household to care for as sons and daughters will turn 15 years old in less than three weeks and, honestly, I’m scared to death.

I sit here, reading and re-reading parenting books — entirely skipping over the baby and toddler sections and heading straight for the chapters on adolescence, on how to love and guide someone who is no longer a child — looking to glean bits of wisdom for a journey that instills fear in the hearts of even those parents who have been raising their own child since the day of its birth.

She moved into our home with her two younger siblings exactly 4 months and 8 days after my husband and I were married. I was 23 and she was 13, although I very well might have felt like I was 13 while she may have felt 23. I will never forget the day we met her at the Honduras government’s Child Services office among dozens of other children — as Darwin and I walked up, not knowing the exact ages or genders of the sibling group of three that we would be meeting and possibly inviting to move in with us, I made eye contact with her and the Lord spoke to my heart, “She will be your daughter.” When I asked her age and she innocently answered, “13,” I literally almost passed out.

That raw fear, that trembling sense of awe I felt upon meeting her for the first time has accompanied me every single day since. Many young Honduran women — especially those in rural areas or those affected by poverty — get ‘married’ and/or pregnant by 11 or 12 years old, so to take in a 13-year-old girl who comes from a tragic childhood is to commit oneself to what promises to be a grueling uphill battle with possibly devastating results despite your best efforts.

A gripping sense of being unprepared, of even being the wrong person for the job, often threatens to spook me out of the gargantuan task before Darwin and me. I do puzzles with the younger ones, give piggy-back rides and console those who scrape their knees — but her? What do I do with a young woman who now wears the same bra size I do and who lends me a sanitary pad when I forget to go to the store to buy more?

She calls Darwin and me “Pa” and “Ma,” and we have plans to begin the legal adoption process with her and her siblings in June of next year once we hit our 3-year wedding anniversary and become legally capable of adoption, although she very well might be 17 or 18 by the time all the paperwork gets processed.

So I applied calamine lotion to her spots when she had chicken pox and help with fun hairdos for her different outings. We have long talks with her about decision-making, pray with her for her sexual purity, confront her on her sin as she does on ours, and we resolutely move on after asking for forgiveness and forgiving, trusting in God to work out the great redemption. She flirts with boys and thinks we don’t notice, and Darwin and I stay up late praying for her, discussing her growth, and grabbing at any scrap of wisdom the Lord tosses us on how to raise this young woman according to His will. She oftentimes asks me to put her to sleep at night, and there we have long conversations tinged with a maturity and openness that the younger ones don’t yet have. From there I sing lullabies and songs of praise and give a foot massage, stroking her hair as she drifts off to sleep, sending desperate prayers up to God that our imperfect, late-in-the-game efforts will be enough and that He’ll do the rest.

A couple weeks after she moved into our home in 2013 I was reading the Bible passage to her and her little sister at bedtime about when Jesus says that familial blood ties are not as important as those who, by obeying God, are united in one eternal family. She sat up in her top bunk and said that she wanted to join that family. We talked further, prayed together, and although we have never shared blood ties here on earth, she and I are now united by the blood of Christ and obedience to our Father.

So she plays on the girls’ basketball team I coach and is our faithful, enthusiastic participant in the various Bible studies and classes we teach. She fills the role of Darwin’s teaching assistant in the choirs and music lessons he directs and is even studying at a local university on Saturdays to learn English. She struggles to tell the truth in a culture of lies, fights with ego as I do, tries to make sense of her past, and accepts many changes around her as new siblings arrive and others go. She feels that Darwin and I don’t always understand her, and we put up with her frustrated glances and mood-swings. At times we have wild, joyful tickle fights as she chases us or we chase her around our front yard while on other occasions we endure her chilly silence, not knowing exactly how she is or what she’s struggling with. I desire to be her confidant, to share stories and feelings for hours on end as we both sit cross-legged on her bed, but in reality I don’t have the time to do so nor is that the role the Lord has given me to fill. Sometimes she and I are both in and out so much that a couple days pass before we really sit down and have a good conversation, but what she doesn’t know is that she’s always on my heart, never far from my thoughts and prayers.

On the airplane this June after having attended the wedding of a dear friend of mine who maintained sexually pure until the day of her wedding, I wrote through tears a letter to Dayana, recounting the beautiful details of the wedding and reminding her that I want to be able to rejoice with her, too, someday, as she walks in all white down the aisle to be wed to a man of God. Upon giving her the letter (bundled up with several others I had written her during the time I was away from home), she later told me that she, too, cried upon reading it and hopes by God’s grace that she may be able to walk in such a way.

So she faces adolescent temptations but still enjoys a wild go-around of hide-and-go-seek every once in a while, likes to wear ballet flats even though we live in the country, gets fed up on occasion with her younger siblings, and is in the beginning stages of searching out her identity in the adult realm, the specific purpose and path the Lord would have for her to take. We pay for her art classes, spend evenings hacking through her math homework assignments together, and invite her friends over for movies and popcorn. We laugh that we will be old women together one day, and Darwin and I remind her again of our expectations and hopes for her as God’s child. So I hug her goodnight and she says, “Thanks, Ma, for everything,” and in the depth of my heart I wonder if she means it or if she really resents us and is on the verge of self-destruction. I call my own mom asking desperately for parenting advice, and then, because the electricity has gone out once again, I talk with Dayana by flashlight about my own inadequacies, struggles and faith.

From my limited experience, parenting a teenager seems almost like learning how to cultivate a mentoring relationship with someone who is suddenly joining you and your husband as the third adult in the household. Strict bedtimes no longer seem realistic or necessary, and discipline that works for the younger ones just isn’t appropriate with her anymore. It is a season of learning all over again what it means to trust in God’s grace, to release our grip on control and, rather than turn our knuckles blue with worry or seek to control every move she makes for fear of her failure or humiliation (or ours), we entrust her to the Lord anew, recognizing that she was His all along.

Dayana (age 13) in December 2013, roughly a month after moving in with us

agua9 — Dayana in August 2015, nearing her 15th birthday and her two-year anniversary with us

A compelling excerpt from Mike Mason’s book The Mystery of Children in a chapter on adolescence:

Every once in a while in the midst of this darkness [the author’s teenage daughter’s struggles with adolescence], a dim light would flash and I’d hear the words, “This is a spiritual battle. Pray for her.” But prayer is the last thing anyone wants to do in a crisis. Sure, you pray, but it’s not where your main energy goes. Your main energy goes into worrying, fearing, plotting, strategizing. Your imagination paints lurid scenarios and your brain works overtime, spewing out plan after plan to stave off encroaching doom…Meanwhile there’s this gnat buzzing around your head, whispering, “Pray for her. She needs your prayers. I’m her Father. Give her up to Me. Trust Me and pray.” How hard this is! We don’t mind praying so long as we can keep on worrying too. We Christian parents would not be caught bowing down before a pagan shrine, but night after night we kneel and worry beside our children’s beds. We think we are praying, but we are not. There is nothing godly, virtuous, or even practical about worry. Worry is not prayer to God, it is prayer to the person we are worried about…We’re looking to our children to bestow grace upon us. Our peace of mind depends upon their every move…Finally, as a last resort, I let go of my guilt and shame long enough to pray for Heather. That New Year’s Eve I breathed a prayer I knew was right: a clean, clear, humble, bold prayer for the darkness around my daughter to be driven back and for God’s light to fill her heart.

Family

Where’s Goliath?

September 7, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

Last week we brought home two adult dogs to help guard our rather large out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere property after two of the three puppies we were raising were very sickly and did not make it.

On Day Two of our new adventure with Goliath (a year-and-half old Rottweiler) and his buddy Dingo (an 8-month-old German Shepherd-Rottweiler mix), we suddenly lost track of Goliath and began looking for him all around our fenced-in property. We peered under our parked car, walked around each building, looked in and around the shrubs, and even recruited our 8-year-old son Jason to help us find a dog that is rather difficult to lose due to his size. We ended up scratching our heads, perplexed, wondering where on earth he was hiding when 10-year-old Josselyn came running out of our house and announced: “He’s in my room!”

Culturally here in Honduras, it is not appropriate to have a dog indoors, but even more than that we personally cannot have a 100+ pound Rottweiler in our tiny house that barely holds the 9 people who live there and that has to be cleaned from top to bottom just about every day due to dust, ants and other critters that waltz on in, dirt-caked barefoot children who run all around the place, and the general chaos that a busy household enjoys.

So my husband Darwin and I laughed and went to try to coax Goliath out of the girls’ bedroom. After several failed attempts, we laughed, shrugged, and decided to leave him there until he decided he was ready to leave.

goliath4 — Goliath in the girls’ bedroom

About an hour or two later, I walked back in to see if this time he was ready to return to the yard, and I was surprised to find the girls’ room vacant. I began walking around the house somewhat tentatively, and as I turned the corner into the kids’ bathroom, this is what I found:

goliath3 — Goliath resting in the kids’ shower

Once again, I tried to coax him out of his spot and into the yard, but he wouldn’t have any of it. So, I left him there. A couple hours later when Dayana, our eldest daughter, got home from her English class, we greeted her at the gate and walked with her as she entered our home to drop off her materials. We had warned her that Goliath had been in our house the whole morning, but we all thought that he was still resting in the shower. She opened the curtain to her bedroom, walked in care-freely to drop off her materials, but before taking two full steps into her room she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran out into the living room: Goliath had changed locations!

goliath5 — Goliath waiting to surprise Dayana in her bedroom!

A couple hours later, Jackeline, our almost-12-year-old, began singing to Goliath and, according to her, he finally got up, followed her voice, and went to her in the living room before finally exiting the front door a while later. Mission accomplished!

Community Life, Family, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Information About the Mission

Life and Ministry Updates: August 2015

August 31, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Two New Students Enter Our School

In the past month two new students from our little town have become students in the one-room schoolhouse where we educate several of our children and a handful of our neighbors. Michelle, age 8, and Selbin, age 11, have entered the program at the first-grade level and are participating weekly in agriculture, music, and Bible study along with academic classes. We currently have 6 children/youth from the community in our school along with several of the 7 kids under our full-time care.

[Explanation of the need for our school program]: There are a couple public elementary schools in our area, but the education the students receive is very poor due to lazy and/or absent teachers, sexual abuse that occurs on the playground, and a ridiculous number of ‘holidays’. Many students who are in sixth grade, which is the last year of elementary school according to the Honduran system, cannot even read or write. Even so, many poor families cannot pay the fees for their kids to attend these corrupted government-run schools nor can they purchase the uniform or buy basic school supplies. Thus illiteracy, unemployment and idleness run rampant in our little town, and as more mothers approach us asking if their kids can become students in our school, we sense that this program may grow with time.

Miss Martha’s Daughter Joins Our Team as the Teacher of the Living Waters Ranch School

Miss Martha, our nurse and cook who labors alongside of us Monday-Friday, has a 22-year-old daughter named Isis who this past month began working three days a week with us as the teacher of our school program. She is a fantastic teacher and assigns quite a bit of homework each night! Having her in the school has liberated Darwin and I to plan, work in the office on administration, run errands, and have one morning per week when we can rest together.

Gabriela and Josselyn’s Progress

Gabriela (age 6) and Josselyn (age 10), biological sisters, moved into our home in July of this year and are adjusting very well to life in our family. Gabriela has received her medical exams and psychological evaluation and is all set to enter into a small school geared toward children with traumatic pasts and/or special needs for roughly 5 months to prepare her with basic vocabulary, social skills, and kindergarten-level academic knowledge (the colors, how to hold a pencil, etc) so that she will hopefully be ready in February to enter first grade at the private Christian school where Gleny and Jason attend. Emotionally and behaviorally she has improved leaps and bounds in just seven weeks of living with us, and we are thrilled to see her grow into a young women in conformity with God’s own heart. Josselyn has entered first grade in our homeschool program and is doing very well in all respects.

A New Initiative: Wednesday Bible Study with our Neighbors

Several weeks ago Darwin and I started a Bible study in our dining room for our neighbors and the children/youth in our school program and choir, and we have had between 14-22 people attend each week, not including Darwin, our seven kids, and Miss Martha. Anyone from our neighborhood is invited, and we serve lunch from 12:00-1:00pm, study God’s word together from 1:00-2:00pm, and then have some kind of soccer game with the kids in our front lawn from 2:00-3:00pm. We are excited to see how the Lord will use this time to touch the lives of many of our neighbors with the good news of Jesus Christ.

Local Family Moves to Our Property to Work in Agriculture and Security

A local family who has four of their kids in our school program moved this past week to the little watchman’s house on our property to begin working the land and helping with basic security. We are looking to develop a good relationship with them as we discern how the Lord would have us to love and serve one another for His glory.

Community Life, Family, Farm Life, Information About the Mission

Darwin’s Young Agriculturalists (Photos)

August 17, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

This morning as Darwin, four of our kids and several youth from our neighborhood were working in agriculture on our property, I slapped on my tall rubber boots and went trekking around to take some photos…

agri16 — Our neighbor Yexon (age 11) who is in first grade in our homeschool program, participates in choir and has publicly made the decision to follow Christ

agri5 — Our neighbor Sefora (age 10) who participates in Darwin’s youth choir with several of her siblings

agri1 — Our neighbors Ingris (13) and Marina (15) with our daughter Gabriela (6) preparing the soil to plant tomato seeds in recycled plastic coke bottles. Marina just passed second grade in our homeschool program, and both she and Ingris participate weekly in Darwin’s youth choir.

agri3 — Gabriela had a blast working with her hands in the dirt and posing for many photos!

agri10 — Our daughter Jackeline (11) with Ingris (13) and Paola (8). Little Paola participates three days per week in our homeschool program along with three of her older siblings.

agri11 — Gabriela (6), Yexon (11), Jackeline (11), Ingris (13) and Paola (8)

agri9 — Darwin supervising his young agriculturalists

agri13 — Darwin and our nurse/cook Miss Martha talking with the girls before beginning a new project

agri19 — Darwin with Cristian (13), Donaris (11), Arlen (13), Ever (16) and Derbin (14) working together to clear a section of our property with their machetes. All five boys are members of Darwin’s choir, and Cristian (red shirt, next to Darwin) just passed second grade in our homeschool program and has publicly made the decision to follow Christ.

agri17 — Arlen, a youth who sings soprano in Darwin’s choir and has come to profess faith in Jesus Christ

agri21 — Our male calf that was born in February 2015

agri22 — One of our two adult cows with her female calf that was born last month

agri25 — One of our new puppies, a hound/pit-bull mix

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection, Special Needs Kids

Big Soapy Mouth: A Reflection on Eternal Consequences

August 13, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

5:38pm Friday, August 7, 2015

I just had a very interesting incident with 6-year-old Gabriela who has not yet been with us a full month. I had taken her, her elder sister Josselyn and 7-year-old Josue on a long walk around our neighborhood delivering plates of chocolate cake with encouraging hand-written notes to our neighbors as a goodwill gesture.

Throughout the admittedly long but not too-long hike around our neighborhood, Gabriela and Josue lagged dangerously behind Josselyn and I (and we were not even holding a quick pace), so I thus had to repeatedly tell them to hurry up only to find them lagging behind again. As Gabriela complained loudly (as is her style) and Josue (who does not talk) simply shuffled in his painstakingly slow manner, I told them lovingly that if they truly were that tired that they couldn’t even walk (but interestingly have enough energy to run and play all day at home and just a couple days prior had gone on a long walk with Darwin without any trouble), then they would go right to bed when we got home at 4:45pm so that they could rest their obviously weary bodies.

That sped them up momentarily, but in the end they meandered along in such a manner that their behavior confirmed that they did, in fact, need to go to bed and rest.

As we walked through our gate about fifteen minutes later, Gabriela assured me loudly and repeatedly that she wouldn’t be going to bed and that all she needed was to rest in the hammock. As I’m shuffling keys and water bottles in my hands, sweat pouring down my temples, and our two new puppies are jumping at our feet her incessant voice continued from a couple yards behind me, so I turned and informed her in an even tone, “If you say one more word about how you’re not going to bed, I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap.”

She definitely heard what I said, and, without skipping a beat, opened her big mouth again to tell me how she was just going to rest in the hammock.

Her elder sister, who’s mostly got the obedience thing down pat, came up to me, concerned, and said, eyes wide, “Gabriela said something else even after you told her not to.” I laughed and said, “I know,” led Gabriela by the hand to the bathroom as we were all crossing the threshold into our home, and I got the bar of pink soap and told her to open her mouth.

Now here’s the interesting part: Gabriela looked suddenly terrified and surprised and began to cry as if the entire situation had taken a drastic, utterly unexpected turn.

Calmly (by God’s grace), I pried her little teeth open and began cleaning it out with soap for the next minute or so while she bawled and screamed.

Hopefully heard above her ruckus, I said calmly, “This is to show you that I will always fulfill my word with you. I warned you that if you said one more word I would wash your mouth out with soap, you did, and now my word is being fulfilled. We can use our mouths to bless others or to curse, annoy and slander. We’re simply cleaning out all the junk that pours out of your mouth so that it flows blessing rather than evil.”

Her well-behaved older sister stood by as a highly interested witness, her eyes twinkling as if she was observing something almost serene. I imagine she was so enamored by the process because up until then in her life she had probably only witnessed (and experienced) parents who let their kids run wild with zero discipline or who react with over-the-top grab-the-kid-and-beat-the-crap-out-of-him-because-the-parent-waited-too-long-and-everything-is-now-out-of-control. I looked at her and asked, “I did warn her this would happen, right?” And Josselyn smiled and assured me that I hadn’t imagined the whole thing and that I had, in fact, given a clear and fair warning.

After the cleansing, with great strife Gabriela washed out her soapy mouth with water, brushed her teeth, and was off to bed (and not the hammock).

But I write all of this not to recount a simple anecdote of our daily life but to show what we can learn about the Eternal through little 6-year-old girls who have yet to have any real understanding of who God is.

I have both read and heard through various sources recently the message that God’s written word (the Bible) in its entirety serves as a general warning (and instruction book, and source of hope, etc) to humankind. Page after page, time period after time period, God – through His prophets, through Christ, through visions, etc – makes it very clear what He expects of us and the eternal consequences of both obedience and disobedience. In other words, if we spend our lives participating in what angers God and then are condemned to Hell and surprised about it, we have no one to blame but ourselves because the warning was put out there clearly enough. (Oh, but how many times have we heard the warning through various sources and turned a deaf ear, preferring to worship ourselves rather than God?)

In a recent Discipleship Group up in the mountains with our faith community, our mentor and dear friend Larry was explaining that from the get-go at the beginning of time God gives a clear, specific warning to Adam and Eve that they can eat out of any of the multitudes of trees except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and that, if they do, there will be severe consequences (that’s the clear, fair warning, like telling someone, “Don’t put your hand in the beehive, because, if you, you’ll get stung.”). They decide to believe Satan rather than God (common mistake), disobey, eat the fruit, and then experience the consequences (think what happened today with Gabriela).

To the contrary, if God had not given the warning to Adam and Eve, instead staying quiet and allowing them to eat from the forbidden tree without them having any knowledge that it would bring terrible consequences, how unfair God would have been! But God, in His justice and kindness, gave the warning and then left it up to us (I include all of us in there because we would have done the same thing) to decide whether to trust His word, obey and experience abundant life and freedom or to be deceived, disobey, and then suffer terribly for our own foolishness.

So let’s think of God’s Word as a written warning (and if we have no idea what the warning is or what is warns against, let’s open it up and find out before it’s too late!)

Warning: There is a Righteous, Good God who has understandable wrath against fallen humankind for their sin — for having destroyed His good creation and turned their backs on Him — and His perfect justice will be fulfilled in the right moment, condemning all those guilty to eternal punishment. BUT THERE IS AN OUT: Those who believe upon His son, Jesus Christ, as the deliverer of those who recognize their sin – and thus begin living for Him rather than for themselves – will be allowed a free entrance into His glorious, everlasting Kingdom where He Himself is the Good King, and in which there will be no more death, crying or pain. YOU CHOOSE.

Of course there are many, many more details than that, but that is the general, overall warning of Scripture. So if we live our lives in hot pursuit of money or engrossed in sexual sin or serving only ourselves, ignoring God and the warnings He has given us, arrive at the end of our lives, are judged justly and get condemned to the eternal punishment we deserve, how on earth can we say that God is unfair or unjust or we had not been properly warned?

Warning: “Gabriela, if you open you mouth one more time to say that you’re not going to go to bed, I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap.”

Action: She opens her mouth.

Fulfillment of Promised Justice: She gets her mouth washed out with soap but interestingly sees it as unfair.

So in the simple way that I can, via this blog today, I am serving as one of God’s little messengers, reminding all of us that there is a general warning about Life on Earth and that whether we regard or disregard it will ultimately determine our fate. And, as was the case with Adam and Eve long ago and with Gabriela today, we have the power to choose our action, but not the consequence.