Category Archives: Family

Please Pray for Us

February 19, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 4 Comments

If you are a person of faith in Jesus Christ, I ask that you pray urgently for our children (and us!) during this time. This past week and half have been wrought with darkness and unforeseen struggles, and we are at the end of ourselves and no longer have many ideas of what to do.

Our seven-year-old son, Jason, passed the entrance exam to a very good local Christian school, and he entered in second grade about two weeks ago after having been in homeschool with us for a year (the Honduran school calendar begins in February). It has come to light in the past few days that he has been lying both in school and to us, got sent to the principal’s office yesterday for ripping up his homework and throwing it in the toilet, lost his only pair of school shoes, and has deliberately not been doing all of his classroom and homework assignments. We are aghast at this turn in his behavior and are at a loss of what to do after trying several disciplinary techniques, talking with him on end, etc, and last night as he lay in his top bunk sleeping Jenae, Darwin, Jason’s two biological sisters and I tip-toed in and gathered around him, gently laying hands on his little body and asking God for a miracle in his heart. We prayed for liberation from the darkness that has begun to consume him and that his light – which is Christ within him – may begin to shine once again. Please pray with us so that any spirit of laziness, of deceit, of ungratefulness may be eradicated from his life so that he may walk in light, truth and freedom. In the Honduran public schools, children have been known to be sexually abused during recess, classes can be canceled when there is a big soccer game on television, and it is not uncommon for sixth graders to barely be able to read, so this opportunity for him to study at a small, sincerely Christian school with good academics that is only a 20-minute drive from our home is an incredible blessing and we don’t want him to do to it what he did to his homework assignment yesterday.

Our eldest daughter, Diana, is having some very strong emotional and spiritual struggles with the arrival of Jackeline and Josue to our home. Adolescence can be a stormy season for anyone, and especially with all that she has been through in fourteen years. We are looking into Christian counseling for her because, although we want to be able to meet her emotional needs merely by providing a stable, loving family environment with healthy opportunities, etc, we are quickly realizing that she needs professional help. Please pray for her emotional stability, identity in Christ, and wisdom for us as her parents during this time.

Our 10-year-old daughter, Gleny, is having similar (although not as extreme) struggles as her little brother Jason in the sense that she is not valuing the opportunity to study as a fourth-grader in her new Christian school, and her behavior and laziness are quickly becoming a huge problem. Please pray for her in the same manner that I have asked you pray for Jason.

The two new arrivals (Jackeline, age 11, and Josue, age 6) are doing well. We have found a small special needs school for Josue, and we are currently in the middle of all the medical and psychological exams in order to be able to enroll him there as a student. Jackeline has entered fifth grade in our homeschool program, and is doing okay by all accounts, although I ask for prayer for her work ethic (which is currently very poor), emotional stability, and salvation.

My Honduran residency has been in process for two years now, and I just received notice that I will need to leave the country for three days before March 3 because the government is about to close my case due to my lawyer’s extremely faulty job. I have been calling my lawyer three and four times a day for weeks, and she does not answer. After a long series of phone calls yesterday with the government offices in Tegucigalpa, I was finally told that I need to change my lawyer and do a whole other process in order to get my Honduran residency, although I will likely still have to leave in March for a few days and then return to continue the exhausting legal process. Please pray that the government and my new lawyer may have mercy on my case and that the legal process may be done according to God’s standard of justice (and not Honduras’).

In the past couple weeks my cell phone has been thrown down the toilet (thanks, Josue), our days have been consumed with disciplinary procedures, sleepless nights have been spent in prayer, and joy has been squeezed out amidst trying difficulties. Thank you for taking the time to read this long, rambling list of prayer requests, and I ask that you sincerely take the time to present our children before God so that He may continue the good work He has begun in their lives.

Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God’s people, on the golden altar in front of the throne. The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God’s people, went up before God from the angel’s hand. — Revelation 8:3

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection

I Cannot Fill You.

February 13, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Several nights ago — three nights after our 10-year-old fireball received two new siblings, to be exact – Gleny lay face-down in her top bunk with her face toward the wall, crying. I had seen her through the girls’ open door as I strode through the living room on some important expedition to sweep or fold laundry, so I snuck in and patted her on the back.

“Gleny, do you want to talk?”

She lifted her puffy face from her pink pillow case and spat her response in my direction: “But in private!”

I motioned with my hands for her to get up, so she pushed herself up and began to scoot lethargically toward the built-in ladder on her wooden bunkbed. I reached up and took her into my arms, her little legs wrapped around my waist and her face buried in my shoulder as I carried her to the room that is normally off-limits for the kids – Mom and Dad’s bedroom.

I sat her down beside me on our bed, and she leaned into me and began to weep harder than she had been when she was alone on her top bunk. I held her for a while before asking gently, “What happened? Is there something you want to tell me?”

Without lifting her head, she said in a one-word-runs-into-the-next type of way, “Today when we went shopping for clothes, you said that I couldn’t buy a dress because we were only shopping for Jackeline. After that I didn’t want to talk with you anymore, and that’s why I didn’t laugh very much.”

By God’s grace, I’ve got enough experience in 15 short months to already be a veteran with these types of situations. I responded, “I’m so sorry, Gleny. But you know what?”

For the first time during our whole conversation she lifted her head up, which I then placed in my hands. “I’m so proud of you that you could use your words to tell me what it is that’s bothering you. And I’m sorry that you feel so frustrated. It definitely wasn’t my intention to frustrate you.”

A glimmer of something sparked in her eyes before she folded back into my lap and continued weeping.

This little girl has a long record of screaming at adults in public, viciously telling Brayan – the other young man who moved into our family last February – to leave, making big scenes with emotional breakdowns when we have guests in the house, and allowing her mouth to get her in a whole lot of trouble, so this quiet, sincere moment reflected God’s gift of peace that He is steadily bestowing upon her stormy soul. I, too, felt like weeping, but for joy.

Without falling into the easy trap of trying to “fix” her sadness or explain her out of it, I opened my mouth and said what I felt God had given me to say: “Gleny? You know what?”

Once again, she lifted her head and allowed her eyes to bare into mine, calming down momentarily. “I cannot fill you, Gleny.”

With that she doubled over and began to sob, harder this time. I continued, knowing that she was listening. “Gleny, we could go on a ‘date’ everyday, and I could buy you 100 dresses and hug and kiss you all the time, but it still wouldn’t be enough. I cannot fill you. I’m just a person. I’m limited.”

“Gleny, only God can fill you. He is the only One who is limitless. I cannot be with you all the time, fulfill your every need. It’s impossible. But He can.” Carefully, without stating the obvious, the very thing that is probably screaming in her thoughts – that I have four other kids to care for in addition to her – I continued, “I have to spend time with Dad, too. I have to work. I have chores to do. I get tired, hungry. I’m just a person. I cannot fill you. I wish I could, but I can’t. You’ve got to look to God for that.” I felt like I was addressing not only her but also myself, for I, too, oftentimes look to other people or external situations to fill me. Oh, how many times have I wrongly become sulky and frustrated with my husband for not being able to ‘fill’ me!

A few moments later I asked, “Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

She immediately responded, “No. That’s all,” and I knew she meant it. She sat up, calming down as she looked around our small, comfy room with chipped blue paint on the walls.

Then I picked her back up, carrying her out in similar fashion as she had entered, but this time with more understanding between the two of us. I entered her room, passing by her two older sisters who sat at their wooden desk, working on a puzzle together. I glanced down at them, exchanging knowing smiles, and deposited their little sister in her top bunk to rest.

Less than an hour later we all sat around our long wooden table in the kitchen after dinner, Darwin and I laughing as we watched Jason, Josue and Gleny stage an intense battle with the long pieces of Styrofoam that had come in the box with our new fridge the day before. Gleny led the troops valiantly as Jason hunted wild animals with his Styrofoam bow and arrow to feed his family.

I felt joy surge in my chest, in awe of just how literally He does fill us, has filled me. More than once Gleny took her eyes off her imaginative play with her little brothers to look over at me and smile, and I felt like she and I understood something perhaps for the first time: He definitely does use us to meet one another’s needs, but we’re only the tools. It’s not about me, and it’s not about her. It’s about God’s glory working in and through us, filling us.

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection, Special Needs Kids

One Body

February 6, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

At 7:34pm last night the kids came bursting into the living room with a wave of energy that I felt like might push me right over the edge after having finished with dinner clean-up, and suddenly there were five heads in the open doorway with 654 comments and questions for me about who-knows-what. I sat on my bedroom floor under a more-organized-than-it-looks pile of legal documents, folders, reports and photocopies fanning out all around me under the thin light of the headlamp strapped to my head as I stapled, stamped, signed, and organized.

I looked up suddenly at the eager faces before me, unintentionally blaring them in the eyes with the light from my headlamp. The lights had been out all evening, and we had all been squinting in the darkness and shuffling around carefully, sharing the few flashlights we have.

Darwin soon appeared as well, and I reluctantly put aside my half-finished job, carefully pushing the precarious pile out of the way at the foot of our double-sized bed so that we could all meet around the wooden table in our living room and hold the family meeting that Darwin and I had planned with the kids.

With a single red candle placed on the table, mostly spent with drippy wet wax pooling around its base, all seven of us sat/stood around the table to try to figure a lot of things out. Together.

I stood in the same clothes I had put on that morning at 5:00am, talking more than I should, the light of my headlamp helping the little red candle light our corner of the living room. Jason had forgotten to feed the dogs that day. Little Josue had gotten ahold of the jewelry-making supplies and scattered all the beads, twine, etc all about after someone else had carelessly left it out on the living room couch. I had lost my patience with Josue during the bedtime routine when he dumped the entire bucket of Legos on the floor for the second day in a row. Gleny, Jason and Jackeline had staged an apocalyptic nightmare for me as I parked the car in our yard after having been gone for a few hours, greeting me with a barrage of highly exaggerated comments and problems that I had to fix immediately. Our car had logged several miles that day and another tank of gas after chauffeurring Gleny and Jason to and from their new school and Diana to and from her new art school. I had forgotton to buy more Pampers for Josue. Diana felt fed up with having two little sisters who want to copy everything she does.

What started with frustrations and complaints ended with asking forgiveness and granting it. Then we all stood, joining our hands to form one body, and we gave thanks to God. We reminded ourselves that God’s Word says that we must place all of our worries, our stress, in God’s hands because He cares for us. And it is our task to believe Him and do so. At the close of the prayer, I wearily — and without any real expectation — asked the children to pray for me in their free time if they feel led to do so. My insomnia has been creeping back, and for the past four or five weeks I’ve only been able to sleep about three to four hours per night. Darwin and I then took each child individually into our embrace and reminded them how much we love them.

This morning at 6:23am, teeth brushed, uniforms in place and ready for a new day, Gleny asked from the backseat of our cab-and-a-half truck while we drove down the highway, “Mom, how did you sleep last night?” I smiled at her very thoughtful question, and answered sincerely, “Actually, last night I slept the entire night for the first time in a long time. I think I got almost seven hours of sleep!” As I continued driving, peering through the heavy rain beating down on the windowsheild, she answered from directly behind me, “All three of us girls prayed for you last night,” and I felt my heart sink into my chest, heavy with joy. Then Diana, her elder sister by blood, chimed in, “Yeah. In our room we have a new system with Jackeline of taking turns each night to pray for you so that you are able to sleep.”

And with that the Lord granted me a deeper sense of rest than anything a good night’s sleep can provide. He is knitting us, as different as we are and as uncomfortable and demanding as the process can be, into one body. His body.

Family, Information About the Mission, Special Needs Kids

Hang on Tight!

February 3, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

This morning we went to our local park to celebrate the fact that the Lord has meshed Darwin and I together as a family with the five children he has placed under our care. It was a joyful time of zip-lining, swimming, picking fruit, running, and playing. We breathed deeply of God´s grace in a time rich in change and new beginnings. Tomorrow Jason and Gleny will enter a private Christian elementary school for the first time (the Honduran school calendar is February-November), and tonight our dear sister Jenae will return home after spending six weeks visiting her family in the States. With time we will learn what our new special-needs son, Josue, needs from us, and we are on the cusp of beginning a new year of homeschool with our two eldest daughters and a few kids from our neighborhood. Hang on tight!

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection, Special Needs Kids

Who Pooped in the Burger King Playground?

February 2, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

My new six-year-old son did. Poop in the Burger King playground, that is. We were on Day Three of our parents-to-five-children adventure, and after going to a couple used clothing shops for our two newest arrivals I took the kids to a special treat that we´ve only done one other time — lunch at Burger King and time to play in the big playground inside.

Darwin was on a ´date´ with our eldest daughter that day, so I was with the four youngest ones and everything was going along perfectly. I sat in the playground room, distracted from reading my book as various little people continually stuck their heads out of the big play structure calling my name to look and wave.

And then something strange happened. Jackeline, our new eleven-year-old daughter, came over to me and said plainly, ¨Josue pooped in his pants.¨ I was sort of dumb-struck and could only think to ask, ¨Does this happen frequently?¨ Her response: yes.

I put on my metaphorical ¨momma¨ pants and said, ¨Ok, I´ll take care of this. You just keep playing. Have fun!¨ and then looked down and his big grin and smelly pants and asked myself, ¨What now?¨

The only logical solution seemed to be to walk him to the women´s bathroom (he´s a bit too burly to carry) and try to clean him up in one of the really small stalls. I did so, leaving a sporadic trail of smeary poo from the playplace to the bathroom as the poop continued to drip down his pantsleg and onto the shiny tile floor. Not to mention the little pile of wet poo he left on the site of the crime within the playplace, which I didn´t notice until returning with him from the bathroom.

So anyways, him and I squeeze into one of the two stalls in the women´s bathroom, and after stripping him of his clothes I sit him on the toilet because there was hardly enough room for one person, let along two, to stand. Seeing as his legs were smeared with poop, the act of sitting him on the toilet then transfered — or maybe even multiplied, who knows — a large quantity of the sticky substance onto the priorly squeaky-clean toilet seat. Poop was everywhere!

The whole experience seemed quite surreal, like I was watching in on someone else´s life without getting stressed or grossed out (or vomiting), and I realized in that moment the reality of the ¨unexplainable peace¨ that is available to us through Jesus Christ. I began to laugh out loud in that little Burger King bathroom stall, uncontrollably joyful as I said out loud various times to no one in particular, ¨God is enough! God is sufficient!¨

So many times we think we need God plus something else to make us happy. Maybe God plus our days off or God plus a comfortable income or God plus kids who behave well and don´t poop in the Burger King playground. I realized in that moment that God alone — Who He is, His promises to us, His justice, love and mercy — is all that we need. He is enough. Add or subtract anything else — displeasing circumstances, a restful vacation, a bad night´s sleep, a great relationship — and nothing truly changes. If we cannot find contentment in God through Christ, we cannot find it in anything else.

So there I stood, hunched over the poopy little boy in the Burger King bathroom, laughing like a mom who has done delirious, and declaring for all other bathroom patrons to hear, ¨God is sufficient! He is enough!¨ I think for the first time I actually understood how to be patient — serenely so — in a truly sticky situation, to rest in God´s grace rather than in my own power or agreeable circumstances.

Then a long and somewhat clumsy series of events led us to the car to get out the new clothes we had just bought for him, return to the bathroom, and then walk hand-in-hand back through the restaurant towards the play area as several customers commented out loud on how bad the restaurant smelled. I think all of the restaurant´s janitors were called to the scene, because we passed by more than a couple moppers and disinfecters hard at work to recover the glistening floor that my beautiful son had spoiled. I had to hold in a giggle and resisted the temptation to laugh out loud and say, ¨It was us! My son is the one who pooped on your floor! But God is sufficient!¨

When we got home that evening, Darwin and I were talking and I told him, ¨I bought this little backpack for Josue, because from now on whenever we go out with him we are going to need to take an extra pair of clothes, because anything can happen.¨ He looked at me somewhat confused and I laughed, saying, ¨It´s a long story. But God is enough.¨

Family, God At Work Among Us, Information About the Mission, Personal Reflection, Special Needs Kids

Little Legs with Too-Huge Pants

January 30, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 3 Comments

Yesterday our three kids and I held hands in our front yard, eyes closed, hearts racing, whispering one last prayer as Darwin opened the gate for the old navy blue pick-up truck whose misterious contents held untold joys, frustrations, triumphs and heartbreak that would unfold in the coming months and years.

We would be parents not to three but now to five.

I waved excitedly and smiled although my weary cheek muscles shook slightly after an adrenaline-laced few days of preparation, prayer, and nerves.

Then the pick-up came to a stop, and I knew that a new beginning had arrived. The back door on the double-cab eeked open, and some little legs with too-huge pants began reaching for the ground far below.

Josue, six years old.

Special needs.

His older sister, Jackeline, eleven years old but already on the cusp of puberty, was quick to exit behind him. Her maturity and undeterred joy remind me so much of the other young woman who arrived at our home in similar fashion 15 months ago and has since become like a daughter to us.

In these situations, you never know what to say. Or at least I don´t. Thanks be to God, our three kids were genuinely emotionally prepared and excited to meet them, so we all swooped in for the big welcome.

Josue screamed, fearing the extremely friendly dogs who likewise came to greet him.

From there the afternoon and evening were a joyful yet on-edge (and least for me) blur of touring the kids around their new home, hanging up the wet dirty laundry they brought with them, assuring Josue over and over again that the dogs are our friends, talking with the case-worker and signing paperwork, and breathing deeply as we began to learn all over again what it means to be a family.

I think I was waiting for some kind of explosion or tear-filled breakdown (probably from our 10-year-old Gleny who will have to adjust to now having two older sisters), but it never came. Instead late in the evening I passed through our living room to see Gleny playing ¨Doctor¨ with Josue. He doesn´t talk and walks with a limp, but Gleny had enthusiastically set up an entire scene in our living room with feather boas, little plastic chairs, a toy kitchen set, more stuffed animals than I could count, and a very large doll that was receiving urgent medical attention with ¨Doctor Josue¨ for her fever. And Gleny was the patient´s mom, of course.

Last night was a sleepless night for Darwin and I, as much due to exceeding joy and thanksgiving to our Father as listening for the kids to get up or cry in the middle of their first night in a new place. Josue did indeed get up about 25 times, turned on the light after bedtime, slammed the door more than a couple times (always with a big, toothy grin), tried to climb the top bunk to be in Jason´s bed, tried to wear his shoes to sleep, and repeatedly put the stuffed animals in his mouth.

But all of that is to be expected, and by God´s grace I had an extra dose of love for this little boy with buck-teeth and clothes that aren´t the right size. It is through him that I believe God will teach me what it means to be patient and to love without expecting anything in return.

Pacing around our living room long after the kids´bedtime, I noticed the girls´light was still on, and as I approached the door to stick my head in and remind them to go to sleep, I stopped short as I heard a not-so-familiar voice — Jackeline´s — through tears sharing things of the heart with her two new roommates who doubtlessly understand her and have shared in her sufferings far more than I ever will. A smile spread through my chest as my heart offered up prayers of thanksgiving to our Father. It is no longer Darwin and I ministering to children, but the children themselves alongside of us and in the moments when we can´t be there who are ministering to and supporting one another in love.

Josue finally settled down after numerous Bible stories, songs, foot massages, and more than a few dozen trips to his room to tell him to return to his bed, and he finally stayed in his own bed the whole night without any more shenanigans. This morning he won the promised prize for his obedience, a juice box during breakfast.

And this is how it all starts.

Family, Personal Reflection

Familial Anecdotes

January 29, 2015 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

Familial Anecdotes: Part One

“Our Eldest Daughter was Born When I Was 10 Years Old.”

That is what I told our new friend to make his eyes bulge out. Then Darwin and I laughed, looking at each other, and I said, “But she wasn’t born from my womb. It’s a long story.”

Familial Anecdotes: Part Two

“The Hypocrite Hat”

Several months ago I invented the “Hypocrite Hat” based on old TV programs where the naughty kid in school has to wear the cone-shaped dunce hat. Ours is made out of brightly colored construction paper and straps onto the perpetrator’s head with a wild series of pipecleaners, looking sort of like a homemade birthday hat, except on the front it says in big bold letters “Hypocrite.” 10-year-old Gleny has donned the hat more than once for accusing someone of something that she herself is guilty of, and just this week we modified the hat to say “Disobedient” as a consecuence for some bad decisions Jason had made. Our plans changed the day he was scheduled to wear the hat and we ended up running a series of errands in town and in the mall (thus forcing him to wear the extremely embarrassing hat in public), and more than a few people laughed out loud at seeing Jason with his large colorful cone hat with its very noticeable chin and head-straps with the index card taped on the front that says “Disobedient.” Several of the store clercs gave him a talking-to about how he needed to be more obedient, and other moms exchanged smiles with me as the little guy and I walked hand-in-hand while I tried not to laugh out loud.

Familial Anecdotes: Part Three

“I Did Something New Today.”

That is what I said with a big smile when Darwin and the kids came to the kitchen for dinner the other night. Excited, they all asked what it was that I did. I said, “Oh, I rescued a bat from our kitchen sink. The poor little guy was really exhausted after having flied around the kitchen for several minutes, and he collapsed in the sink. I trapped him with a cup and set him free outside.”

Familial Anecdotes: Part Four

“I Think It’s Time to Get a Mirror for the Kids’ Bathroom.”

One night over dinner Darwin, the kids, and I were all telling stories of how we lost different baby teeth when suddenly 7-year-old Jason starts laughing wildly, saying how Gleny’s two front teeth, which are adult teeth, look really big. He then started saying how it is funny how people’s two front teeth look big when I realized He really has no idea that his two front teeth are just as big as everyone else’s. I think it’s time to get a mirror for the kids’ bathroom. Pointing out others’ flaws while being blinded to our own – that doesn’t sound at all like human nature, now, does it?

Family

Aspirations of a 10-Year-Old

January 24, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Gleny, who is famous for having her bangs too long and too frizzy, who plays with toy dinosaurs with her little brother, who wears sparkly princess crowns in public, and who struggles daily with wanting to be the “boss” of everyone else, recently wrote ten personal goals for her life:

Be a lawyer in an office, for example, like helping Honduras’ Child Protective Services
Be a spiritual mom and a normal mom
Be faithful to my future husband
Love my neighbor as I love myself
Be an astronaut and explore the universe
Be a beauty stylist
Be a faithful daughter to God
Be a good friend to everyone
Be a good follower of God
Be just

Family, God At Work Among Us, Information About the Mission

Mission to Southern Honduras

January 19, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Last week as a family we returned from our first mission to a small, dusty village in Southern Honduras. Darwin had gone in November with our mentor and a group of Christians to the same village to begin a water project and share the good news of Christ, and it was decided that we would all return together in January to continue planting seeds for God´s Kingdom and help the members of the village finish the last stretch of installing tubes so that they wouldn´t have to dig in the dusty riverbed in the dry summer months hoping to find water. Here are a few photos from the trip, and in the following weeks I will most likely write specific stories and works the Lord did among us in greater detail. Our three kids — Diana, age 14; Gleny, age 10; and Jason, age 7 labored alongside of us in the village during the week we were there, helping in agricultural and construction projects and going with us to visit homes to share God´s Word. It was a blessing to see our kids take leadership roles among the other children there, and participate with us in spreading the good news of God´s Kingdom!

Enjoying the nine-hour journey with our faith community in our mentors´truckbed…

Darwin helping with a corn harvest of a local believer, Omar, who offered us hospitality during the week we were in his village, and me juggling after brining in the harvest with the others…

Jason working alongside the ¨big guys¨ each day to dig the trenches for the tubing that will be used to bring water to this extremely dry village. Go, Jason, go!

Bathing in the river…

Where we slept on dirt floors and in hammocks…

¨O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!¨ — Psalm 34:3

Family, Personal Reflection

A Child’s Deepest Desire

January 14, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Our middle daughter, 10-year-old Gleny, can be quite a drama queen at times. But this time I immediately knew the few tears welling up in her eyes as she sat on the floor were a display of raw honesty.

Caught off guard by her sudden wave of strong emotions, I squatted down so that we were eye-level. I had been sweeping the living room as she told me a story she had just heard on the radio about a young boy whose parents bought him toys and provided all of his material needs but failed to meet the boy’s deepest desire, which was his parents’ time and affection. The little boy felt alone and depressed, even though on the outside he lacked nothing.

Sensing the story had come to a close, I asked gently, “And this really touches your heart?”

Her stare intensified as she responded, “Yes. That is what our biological mom always did. She would come and go, and every night when she would leave, we would beg her to stay and spend time with us, but she never did. That’s all we ever wanted from her.” A couple tears spilled over and began rolling down her cheeks.

This little girl, who could have had tears cascading over her heart because her biological parents never put her in school or because they could not afford to buy her a new pair of shoes or because their shack had a dirt floor, chose rather to lament the fact that her parents never spent time with her. Such a simple thing, something any parent can do whether they have money or not, whether they live in a crowded inner-city, in the suburbs or on an isolated piece of land somewhere in the countryside.

Even though in our family much of each day is centered around the children the Lord has placed under our care, even we get distracted with “doing” rather than “loving.” I oftentimes mistake running a thoughtful errand for my daughter to pick up something from the arts and crafts store with sitting down and actually doing the craft with her. Putting a movie on for the kids is not the same as snuggling on the couch to watch it with them under a mountain of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. A lot of times when they ask me to participate in a riotous match of hide-and-seek with them, I selfishly say no. Sometimes I would rather clean toilets in peace than participate in the demanding mental gymnastics required for a creative role-playing game involving imaginary waterfalls in our living room, rescue expeditions with toy trucks, and trips to the hospital with Lego men. Sometimes when our little guy asks me to sing him to sleep, I do so with an unwilling spirit, wanting to rush through the nightly ritual and close another busy day so I can go rest.

Some of the most memorable times we have had as a family have been when we have said, “Yes, there is a legal report half-done on the computer, and, yes, there is such-and-such financial concern and that pending phone call and a list a mile long of things demanding our attention, but let’s put that aside for right now and celebrate the fact that the Lord has meshed us together as a family.”

Mom, Dad: turn off the television and go give your little guy a foot massage. Delay your errands for another day and play a board game with your daughter. Listen to her. Give each one a hug every morning as everyone groggily shuffles out of their bedrooms a 6:00am. Ask your child what their favorite book is and take time to read it to them, giving each character a distinct, silly accent. Look at family photo albums together, laughing and reminiscing with your kids about when they (and you) were younger. From time to time go into your child’s room to put them to bed, reading the Bible and singing with them even if you’re dog tired. Paint your toenails with your teenage daughter, and dare to let her pick the color. The next time your kids invite you to jump in the swimming pool, actually do it. Even though there is the belief that kids (and especially teenagers) don’t want “family time” and think their parents aren’t cool, it isn’t true. It’s their deepest desire.

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection

You Can´t Climb on the Hippo Pen.

January 2, 2015 jenniferzillycanales 3 Comments

In celebration of the completion of the year 2014, we roadtripped as a family to Honduras’ biggest and perhaps only real zoo four hours from our home. We rented a cabin and spent two days learning about the animals in the zoo, spelunking a maze-like cave with our headlamps, playing on the jungle-gym, racing go-karts and exploring the countryside. Every aspect of the trip introduced something new to the kids, and it was fantastic to see their eyes wide and their minds expanding as they took in new sights, sounds, and experiences. It was the perfect ending to a year laden with God´s perfect grace amidst trying difficulties and deep joy.

“Brayan scared me in the cave. I prefer to go with an adult.” – Jason

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“What’s the purpose of a rainbow?” – Brayan

“Ostriches are that big?!” – Diana

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“The lions are beautiful, but it makes me sad to see they have so little space.” – Diana

“What’s a miner?” – Gleny

“I think I’m going to vomit – pull the car over!” – Jason

¨The zoo manager told me you’re not allowed to pull any feathers off the peacock.” – Diana

“Seeing such majestic animals without freedom makes me think how we, too, cage ourselves when we don´t choose the freedom available to us in a relationship with God through Christ. God created animals to be free, and when they’re not, they suffer. We, too, were created for freedom, and when we choose the enslavement of sin, we, too, suffer. The only difference is that the animals don’t choose their captivity, but we do. Does that make sense?” – Jennifer

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“It says here that the Guinea Birds mate for life – just like us!” – Jennifer to Darwin

“Do they hire teenagers to work at the zoo?”—Brayan

“What does ‘nocturnal’ mean?” – Jason

“This trip is a dream come true for me.” – Diana

“Why are there multiple lanes on the highway?” – Diana

“We should give thanks to God for keeping us safe during the trip.” – Gleny

“I’m locked in the bathroom! Help!” – Jason

“Dad, catch me if you can!” – Gleny

“What are some things that have happened this year that you will remember forever?” – Darwin

“For me, the most memorable thing about this year was meeting this family.” – Brayan

“Everything in the whole world is a mystery and a miracle. Everything reveals God.” – Jennifer

“A sloth is so different from a tiger from a hippopotamous, and yet God created them all. Just like us, each one so very unique. What amazing creativity.” – Jennifer

“We’re like meerkats in this deep cave.” – Jennifer

“We took pictures of the paintings on the walls in our cabin so we can learn how to paint them in paint class.” – The girls

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“How do they feed the tigers?” – Jason

“The Indians hunted the buffalo because they didn’t have a supermarket.” – Jason

[Making wild animals noises to wake the kids up at 6:30am] “If you want to go to the zoo today, get up immediately because we’re leaving in five minutes!” – Darwin

“How do they trap the zoo animals?” – The boys

“Jason, get down. They said you can’t climb on the hippo pen.” – Darwin

“Dad helped me count my money to buy the stuffed giraffe.” – Jason

“What’s a fetus?” – Jason

“Gleny, are you sure you want to criticize Diana for not having her hair neatly done? How do you feel when others criticize you for your wild hair?” – Jennifer

“It’s a shame that just a few years ago on my parents’ property you could see wild monkeys, sloths, and tapirs, but since they have been hunted mercilessly now you have to go to a zoo to see them.” – Darwin

“Don’t touch the monkey.” – Jennifer

Community Life, Family, Farm Life, Girls' Youth Basketball, God At Work Among Us, Homeschool, Information About the Mission, Marriage, Music, Personal Reflection, Teaching, The Gifted and Talented Program

2014 in Review (An Unorganized List of 64 Small Miracles)

December 27, 2014 jenniferzillycanales 3 Comments

Yesterday afternoon as the kids were in paint class and Darwin was resting in our room after a very busy week, I took a walk around our property, studying the visible differences of what this past year has brought –our faithful garden with its new sprouts of radish and squash that Darwin and the kids planted, the ducks who now inhabit our chicken run, our school building finally organized, certain rooms freshly painted – and caught off guard with a deep awe of all God has done in this past year that isn’t so visible – the emotional growth and health of the children, my own healing from severe insomnia, new relationships formed, prayers answered. After the dogs happily followed me around our yard, tails in a constant lazy wag as I admired all God has done this year, I sat down at the wooden table in our living room to make a list of all I could think of that He has orchestrated, permitted, given and guided in this past year. I started with a single sheet of notebook paper but soon had to bring a second and then a third sheet. The list, without any order or importance, is as follows…

1. Many local boys have received haircuts in our home, and in the process I’ve gotten pretty good at doing the mohawk.

2. Due to God’s abundant provision, we have been able to joyously be His “middle-men” in sharing clothes, backpacks, food, and other goods with our neighbors for His glory.

3. Darwin, the children and I attended a week-long intensive missions course with our faith community to prepare us for a mission trip that we are planning for January 2015 to a village in southern Honduras.

4. We survived several robberies, difficulties, and encounters with corrupt people (including a very dangerous fraud).

5. After much deliberation, we finally purchased a gun for security purposes (and had to use it shoot-in-the-air-style-to-scare-the-burglar the day after we learned how to use it!)

6. The message of Christ has been shared in local churches, on public buses, in a school, at a used clothing shop, in Darwin’s sister’s home, and in various other places as God presents opportunities.

7. We have developed a very friendly relationship with our elderly neighbor who has a large herd of milking cows, and our large grassy property has been utilized to feed his grazers several times per week.

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8. We said “yes” and actively followed four different leads in order to receive more children into our family, but none of them produced results, so we continue to wait for God’s timing.

9. Darwin and I have been able to dedicate ourselves to God’s purposes in our home/family/farm/mission six days per week (we each spend one day per week as teachers at a local school).

10. Relationships have been formed with Brayan, his stepmother and three stepbrothers.

11. By God’s grace He enabled us to have kids in our home for the duration of the calendar year.

12. Peace has been poured out over our home and in the children’s hearts after months of very intense emotional waves, spiritual battles, disciplinary struggles and outbursts of all types.

13. Our living room, the kids’ bathroom, and the schoolroom were painted.

14. The four kids received homeschool classes along with private academic tutoring.

15. Many, many mistakes have been made and learned from.

16. The four kids received therapy with a Christian psychologist for several months.

17. Our used truck was purchased (and Darwin got his driver’s license for the first time!)

18. High-security steel doors have been installed on the two houses and school building.

19. We have instituted the (very small and indescript) whiteboard in our living room where I write the next day’s schedule in great detail each night so that I don’t have to answer 84 questions about what we’re going to do tomorrow.

20. Four dogs have been purchased/adopted for security purposes (and therapy with the kids!)

21. Two batches of chicks were born in our chicken run and hundreds of eggs laid.

22. Twelve ducks were purchased to lay eggs in our chicken run.

23. We enjoyed the visit of eight fellow believers in our home for several days in July.

24. Fifty rhambutan saplings have been planted.

25. Darwin and the kids have maintained a small garden behind our kitchen weekly.

26. Darwin and our accountant organized and submitted the last four years of financial statements.

27. Many, many hours have been spent on the preparation of legal documents, in meetings with the board of directors and with lawyers, and making trips to and from different offices.

28. A daily system of cleaning/chores has been put into practice for the kids and adults.

29. Hundreds of man-hours have been spent preparing the land and cultivating small gardens without extremely little success due to infertile, rocky soil and long dry spells.

30. We’ve enjoyed a full year of growth and relationship with our dear sister Jenae Matikke, who lives alongside of us, raises the kids with us and serves in our local community.

31. A large steel trashcan has been constructed behind our property to deposit our trash.

32. We’ve been able to continue developing and deepening our relationship with our faith community and mentors, visiting their home weekly.

33. We’re at three months and counting of the children taking a high-quality B-complex vitamin daily to help with their overall growth and mental activity – (and it’s working!)

34. Our kids have enjoyed one full year of weekly paint, music, agriculture and Bible classes.

35. Two public music concerts have been held in our home for our neighbors and friends.

36. Darwin has formed a youth choir as a way of reaching out to local kids and forming relationships with our neighbors.

37. Our little plants produced harvests of plantains, a rare fruit called guanabana that tastes like cotton candy and looks like a very squishy white pineapple, mango, yucca, lemon, radish, chili peppers, cucumber and papaya.

38. Darwin and our eldest daughter, Diana, have begun taking weekly English classes.

39. Relationships and trust have been formed with local business owners.

40. We have begun teaching the kids biblically-based financial education to accompany their small incomes for household chores.

41. Various visitors have been received in our home, thus providing all of us with many opportunities to offer hospitality and learn from and love those who stay with us.

42. Our first long-distance family trip is planned for the last two days of this year to visit Honduras’ biggest and perhaps only zoo in a town several hours away.

43. The Living Waters Ranch’s mission statement has been written.

44. We’ve formed a weekly Bible study every Wednesday morning where we dedicate time to growing spiritually as a family/community and giving thanks.

45. Sexual education has been given to our kids/teenagers several times and in many different forms.

46. I’ve received ten months and counting of medical treatment for my insomnia, and the larger part of recovery has been achieved.

47. Our kids have learned how to swim and play chess.

48. God’s provision and protection have been with us daily.

49. After much trial and error and team brainstorming, we were able to make the decision of how to use each of the three “houses” on our property most efficiently.

50. The “School House”, the second of the three houses, has been furnished and put into use for homeschooling, music classes, and for receiving neighbor kids in the large living room that serves as a play room.

51. The question of maintaining our (extremely large, rocky, and uneven) yard trim has been settled by hiring a local man to weedeat it once a month. (We used to have a full-time employee who dedicated the majority of his time to cutting our lawn bent-over with his machete, but he could only cut a piece the size of about two backyard swimming pools per day, and the job was never done and thus our yard always looked like someone with long, untamed hair who took a buzz-cutter to a few sections here and there, thus the poisonous snakes had a heyday.)

52. The office has been put together and Darwin constructed bookshelves for our library.

53. Friendships have been formed with a handful of children and teenagers from our local community who come to our home to play soccer, work in agriculture, receive sex education classes, spend time in our playroom, and attend Bible study.

54. Our four kids gave their lives to Christ.

55. Darwin and I attended Honduras’ “Children’s Home Conference” in May to learn from others who serve in the same capacity.

56. We have begun developing relationships with various neighbors, visiting them in their homes and likewise opening our home to them.

57. Darwin and I celebrated our year-and-a-half anniversary December 24, 2014.

58. Darwin and I enjoyed three marriage retreats to escape from the kids for a few nights and focus on cultivating our still very-new marriage.

59. New telephone poles have been put up and electrical lights repaired.

60. We have sanded and painted the steel window bars on the houses, dining room and kitchen to save them from rusting.

61. We have achieved much better organizational structure and financial accounting as a registered Honduran NGO.

62. Official schedule, menu, and budget have been made for legal purposes.

63. Our eldest daughter has begun to sell her paintings.

64. God has cultivated a very pleasing attitude of love and respect in our children towards Himself and others.

Family, God At Work Among Us, Personal Reflection

From Hatred to Love

December 11, 2014 jenniferzillycanales 1 Comment

Several weeks ago as a family we sat around a small bonfire in our yard under the starry sky wetting our bums a bit on the dewy soil beneath us. Each person was wrapped up in somewhat odd attire, brightly-colored scarfs and wool beanies with sweatshirts and tall socks, sweating in the humid night under the barriers we wore between the blood-thirsty mosquitos and our flesh.

The question for each of us to answer was: What is the biggest thing God has done in your life?

I do not remember the details of everyone’s answers, but our 10-year-old Gleny’s has stuck like a push pin in my mind ever since.

After her older sister, 14-year-old Diana, mentioned something about how God fulfilled her desire for a family and an opportunity to study music, I expected a similar answer from Gleny, as we all know that younger sisters can be pretty good at copying their older sisters.

Instead, as though the biggest thing God had done in her life was plainly obvious to her, Gleny said matter-of-factly, “I used to hate Brayan and now I love him.”

We all sat momentarily stunned with her response, caught off guard by her frankness and swept into awe at God’s work in her life at the realization that this was, in fact, one of the biggest works God had done in young Gleny’s roller-coaster heart. My eyes immediately swung across the flames to Brayan’s lit face and found a perfect tranquility that I had yet seen in this restless, insecure young man. He was neither offended nor surprised that she said she used to hate him (for we all knew it was plainly true) nor was he embarrassed that his name was called out in front of the group.

In the ensuing five or ten seconds of silence after little Gleny’s remark, I believe in each person’s heart we thought, “Yup, that’s about right.”

We had all witnessed her severe daily verbal attacks of this young man whom she struggled to accept into our household as a brother, the doors she slammed out of rage, and the unceasing hateful looks and comments hurled at the new guy who had pushed her down the totem pole. Through prayer, through tears, through one mediation session after another, our little lioness’ heart began to soften toward the awkward teenage boy who shared her Ma and Pa with her. After five or six of the most stressful months I have ever experienced with anyone, slowly the direct hateful comments began to slow down and then altogether cease. She stopped screaming at him, telling him to leave. She stopped seeking different ways to accuse, to make him fall. And then, one day, I heard her compliment him on a job well done when he was doubting his skills in paint class. I thought the comment must have been made sarcastically, in jest to make him hurt even more, but the sincerity in her voice could not be mistaken. And that was the turnaround.

And so, that night around our little bonfire of empty cereal boxes and twigs, Gleny’s blunt, unashamed answer helped remind us all that God is still in the business of changing lives. Is that not what God does in our world? Places the lonely in families, calls the lost into his kingdom, replaces our stubborn, hard hearts with tender, loving ones?

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

Community Life, Family, Information About the Mission, Music

Christmas Concert 2014

December 8, 2014 jenniferzillycanales 2 Comments

Sunday, December 7, 2014 we had our first Christmas concert in our home. We celebrated the birth of our Savior with piano and recorder performances, a poem written by our dear sister Jenae, and songs by the youth choir my husband has begun directing in our neighborhood. It was a joyful afternoon with our neighbors, friends, and family.

Luke 4:18-19 [Jesus Christ speaking about his purpose in the world] “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the rock of our salvation.

Psalm 95:1

Community Life, Family, Farm Life, Girls' Youth Basketball, Information About the Mission, Music, The Gifted and Talented Program

Ministry Updates

November 24, 2014 jenniferzillycanales Leave a comment

Ministry Updates in the Living Waters Ranch – November 2014

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Community Choir

Darwin is a pianist and choir director, and God has placed it on his heart to expand the little choir we have as a family and include our neighbors from our surrounding rural community. We praise God that several children and teenagers have begun attending the twice-weekly practices, and it has given us great joy to see our three kids receive the newcomers with love and grace as they take leadership positions among the newbees. We are honored to develop relationships with these youth and their families for God’s Kingdom, and our kids are taking advantage of making several new friendships!

2 ministry updates nov 2014

Jenae Celebrates 14 Months in Honduras

Our beloved Christian sister Jenae Matikke is celebrating 14 months of service at the Living Waters Ranch. A native of Tennessee, she dedicates her time to reaching out to our neighbors with the good news of Jesus, investing in our kids’ lives, serving in local churches, and teaching in various capacities. She is currently preparing her program “Princes and Princesses of Promise”, a biblically-based sexual abstinence curriculum, to begin sharing God’s message of sexual purity and giving sex education classes in local churches and schools.

ministry updates nov 2014

Gifted and Talented Program and Basketball Team to Start in January 2015

God confirmed in my heart that I am to return to La Ceiba’s Episcopal School part-time beginning in January 2015 to continue with my girls’ basketball team and elementary-aged Gifted and Talented program, so I went to the school to meet with the kids and send home parent letters. Over 30 kids have responded positively, so I am looking forward to my third year with the same group of kids I’ve been working with, along with several new ones that are now eligible for the programs. Pray for God’s guidance over both the team and the GT program, and that the children I coach and teach may see Christ’s light and salt through my words and actions.

ministry updates nov 2014 5

Updates on Brayan

Brayan, the 14-year-old who lived with us for over eight months and moved out a couple months ago due to various factors, just made a 100% on one of his major exams after returning to homeschool several weeks ago. His attitude has taken a complete 180 degree turn, and he has impressed us all with his kindness, willingness to serve, and gratitude. He has also returned to choir and music classes, and has begun working alongside of us in agriculture one day per week. Let us give thanks to God for His mighty hand over Brayan’s young life, and for giving us all the patience and courage to trek through some pretty difficult seasons together as we seek the Lord’s will in our relationship with him.

ministry updates nov 2014 3

Darwin’s English class

My husband, Darwin, is a native Honduran and currently speaks pretty choppy English. That isn’t a problem here because we communicate with one another and our children and neighbors in Spanish, but in order to further develop his ability to communicate with a broader range of people, he has enrolled in an intensive English course that meets every Saturday morning for five hours. We are all excited for him about this chance to grow, and in addition to the class we have instituted the “English Hour” during dinnertime every night, in which each person has to do their best to speak only English. (Dinners have been pretty quiet for a change, as most of the little people can’t say much!)

ministry updates nov 2014 6

Still Waiting to Hear About the Arrival of More Kids

We have put the word out with the government agency that we are ready to accept 2-3 new children, and we have yet to hear anything. There are many organizational changes occurring right now in the government’s child protective agency, and the shifting of staff positions and leadership could be causing the delay. We are waiting to hear if there are children who need a home from a large government-run orphanage in a nearby city that was recently shut down or from the local foster system. Please pray that God’s hand would guide the entire legal, emotional, and financial process of expanding our family, and that Gleny, Jason and Diana may accept new children into our home with grace and joy.

ministry updates nov 2014 7

Chicks Hatch After Robbery

After a devastating robbery a few days ago in which someone stole more than half of the hens from our chicken run, our rooster and male duck, we are beginning anew with a batch of newborn chicks that our momma hens have been warming for the past several weeks. It seems as though any agricultural progress we enjoy is immediately cut down by theft, so please pray for protection over our animals and crops so that our efforts to organically work the land are not in vain.